Helene,

Its great that you’re striving toward the light, as you said, and working toward understanding. Sometimes people don’t feel comfortable enough to say that they need some space, and simply take it. Operation or not, hand recovering or not, her actions indicate that she wants to pause on the connection that you two have. As you reach for light, perhaps you can see that people need space to grow, and whatever the conditions are in her life, letting her have the space is good to do.

Instead, however, you’re making this about you. “How could she do this to me?” This is understandable, and I’m sorry your feelings have been hurt. It would be wonderful if people were all strong and settled enough to be upfront with boundaries… but often times we are not, and communicate them unskillfully.

This is an important lesson for people who dedicate themselves to a path of love. We can’t just love who we think they are, or who we wish them to be… as we learn to love what is, other people’s behaviors don’t challenge our peacefulness. Said differently, can you see how the interruption of your warm feelings for her is unnecessary? That if she needed some space, you want her to have it? Even if her trying to get some space was unskillfully approached?

Consider doing some metta practice (many great “guided metta meditation” videos on YouTube). The reason we give warm feelings to even those who act oddly toward us is to free our own mind from agitation. If you can open your heart and wish well to your friend, no matter her decisions and actions, then you’ll be one step closer to unconditional love. Namaste.

With warmth,
Matt