another thing i want to add is the fact that u i have already emailed him a shorter version of this story when we last spoke two months ago. i know he loved me. i know he tried but i kept pushing him. he warned me that one day he will get tired of my testing and i didn’t listen. i kept going. i feel like if i say these things to him maybe…perhaps …maybe there would be an ounce of love that will ignite in him and we will be together again. I feel like if I don’t email him, i will live with the regret of never knowing what would’ve happened if i did. I am not a gambling girl but i know that there is 99.9% chance that he will say “thanks for telling me this. i hope you get where you need to be…i wish you well too” and there is 0.1% chance that he will come back to me. I know love is a crazy thing. I know i miss him and us. I just want to reach out to him when i have clear intentions. When i know that that is what i want. This self discovery journey keeps getting me back to thinking of how bad i did in my relationship. i screwed up things with one man who loved me so dearly.
P.S
this has taken a lot of courage. The fact that i am not writing this to him shows me how much stronger i have gotten. I just wanted to put it out there and i would love to get opinions…thoughts…please feel free to be brutely honest with me. i need tough love. i don’t know what my therapist is thinking recommending me to contact him.