Thank you so much, Matt. You’re absolutely right, I am in love with him, and I am terrified of appearing vulnerable, honestly, even to myself sometimes. I will definitely check out that author!

I guess my biggest challenge is “I will, if you will” which is a childlike mentality. I have been hesitant to open up completely because he has as well. I am certainly a girl in love, but I have (luckily) not been clouded by the idea of love. I see and take things for how they are, maybe sometimes too literally. But my gut (as well as everyone who knows us) tells me he loves me back. I believe strongly in actions speaking louder than words, and his actions, truthfully, spell out everything loud and clear.

His best friend, a practicing Tibetan Buddhist, gives me fabulous metaphors to help me steady my mind and emotions, which in turn, would hopefully steady his. His friend states that he is “repressing his feelings for me because he doesn’t feel safe” (perhaps his own way of dealing with vulnerability?) When describing our emotions, he used a metaphor of two rocking boats in a harbor, which cannot stop rocking, because they are clunking into each other. He stated that if one of the boats were to slowly stop rocking, the other would follow suit, leaving two still boats that rely on each other for a sense of calmness.

I have been trying, and slowly succeeding to become steadier. But in that, it seems he has become emotionally rockier; picking on me more, starting fights over nothing, making plans with girls weeks earlier he said he had no respect for, and mostly, crying. A lot. It’s when he’s been drinking (not even drunk).

So, my next question, I suppose, is whether or not it’s possible to make an extremely sensitive, emotional man, who does everything he can to ignore those feelings, feel safe enough to open up to how he really feels?

I know that one cannot force another to deal with thoughts and feelings they choose not to. But is it possible to help them feel comfortable enough to want to?

I have lowered, if not eliminated my expectations of any situation with him, though sometimes I do hit speed bumps and get sad or frustrated. I am trying not to cling to any resentment for the confusion he causes, and mostly trying to let whatever will be, be. I’m really only left with compassion and patience for him at this point. And like you suggested, I have been taking care of myself more and more each day. 🙂

Thanks again for your input.

Matt,

I have a very childlike outlook on life as a whole, which can be both a positive or negative part of my personality. I realize that in my need for him to “admit” his feelings first, it takes my fear of vulnerability off the table. It’s silly and sillier because I am totally aware I allow the loop to keep looping.

It’s truly amazing how well you are able to perceive the situation for almost exactly how it is just through my words. My codependency towards him isn’t something I realized until just recently, and it’s absolutely something I am trying to work through. We do blame each for our internal problems often, but I am hopeful that it is something that we can both power through to become positive influences in each others lives, rather than cling to our rocking boats and hope for the best.

Thank you for your kind words and insight. 🙂

Danielle

Hi again.

I haven’t the confidence to be as open as you mentioned, but slowly by surely I am getting there. I hope eventually he will deal with the issues inside of him, not to benefit me, but for his own well being. As messy as things are sometimes, I cannot deny the fact that he is a really great person. Life just got to him, and he lost his way. It’s happened to me, too, but I get frustrated with feeling sad, so I make the strides to change it. His friend (the Tibetan Buddhist) is a good center for him, but also realizes a person can’t be helped if they don’t want to help themselves.

I haven’t really looked at the other perspective of the rocking boats as you suggested above, and it really makes sense when it’s put that way. The calmer I have become, the more he looks for things to fight with me about. Our arguments are mostly based on assumptions and misunderstandings, but since I have adopted a better, more stable outlook, I haven’t been feeding in to them. It’s not to say I still don’t get frustrated.

I’m hoping that eventually he can step to the plate. In my entire life, I have never felt someone was worth the headache as much as this guy.But there comes a point where you start to think you’re imaging his feels are reciprocated, despite what your gut and his actions and everyone else tells you.

I hope to remain patient, and confident that eventually he will feel safe enough to deal with his repressed feelings for me. I just don’t want to lose my self confidence in the process. (I’m doing just ok so far) I do know that whatever will happen, it was the best I could do, and it was meant to be this way.

Thanks again, Matt.