Hi Niraj,

I’m a girl and you are talking to me! You see not so scary after all. Is your fear around all girls or only certain girls? Do you feel uncomfortable talking to girls or women within your family? There is such a thing as gynophobia, which is a severe phobia/fear of women. And also caligynephobia, which is only a fear of beautiful women. These fears are strongly rooted in the objectification of women. Women traditionally have been seen as saintly, holy, put on a pedestal or as mysterious, dangerous vixens. Thus women have been seen as celestial or hellish but never just earthy and human. For example, I can’t talk to Mary she is too good for me, why would she want to talk to someone as low as me or I can’t talk to Suzzy, she is too adventurous and spontaneous, what if she is bored with me or what if she is too hot for me to handle, etc. Some women do this to men too; seeing men as a hero or a villein, a rescuer/savior or a creepy pervert.

I am not saying that you objectify women but sometimes one can get caught up on what do girls/women want or what would a girl/women want to hear rather than what does Jenny want, what does Ann like to talk about. I would suggest that when you speak with women/girls, don’t really look at them as women/girls. Just see them as regular, normal persons or human beings. Focus more on that person as an individual and focus less on what she may think of you.

So think about how it is that you view women and yourself. Do you view women simply as a sexual being or romantic partner? Some people believe that opposite sexes can never truly have platonic relationships. Is this your belief? If you want to talk to a girl without wanting anything in return, then there really isn’t anything to worry about. If you want to talk to a girl because you have a romantic interest, then your fear may be more of a fear of rejection rather than a fear of girls. Rejection hurts but it is easy to get over.

I wish you luck!

Warmest Regards,

Zenhen