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Attachment, Relationships, and Misconceived Buddhism

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  • August 12, 2013 at 7:02 am #40257
    Zenhen
    Participant

    Anil,

    I too was uncomfortable with this notion of non attachment. In a way, I felt like it was a cop out. It is easy to be peaceful, compassionate and kind when no one is around. lol. I really like the way you framed this notion in a Western point of view. Some people non attach in an equally unhealthy way as those who insecurely attach. For example, someone who is afraid of being hurt or who has a hard time trusting, etc. Then they are non attaching out of fear, which defeats the purpose. Attaching without clinging is the key, thus one can attach without pain. If a relationship were to end, yeah one would feel sad and even hurt but one wouldn’t be addicted to that heartbreak feeling, causing themselves unnecessary pain. It wouldn’t be a tragic ending. It’s all about finding the balance.

    Thanks for sharing!

    August 12, 2013 at 10:08 am #40270
    Mary Cait
    Participant

    Thank you so much for this wonderful analogy! Western psychology and Buddhism have so much in common. To me, it seems that meditation is simply a method for the study of the mind. It is always lovely to see the alignment with more modern research and theory. And, on a more personal note, I agree wholeheartedly. I had some initial anxiety, when starting to meditate more seriously, that I would let go of people I love. That has not been the case.

    Thanks again!

    August 12, 2013 at 12:13 pm #40275
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    This is a very good reminder and delineation of the differences between healthy attachment and clinging. I think that it needs to be remembered that many of these misunderstandings come about from hasty or unskillful translations. All of these teachings being translated from Pali – something is certainly going to get lost. What about an attachment to a regular meditation practice? Certainly saying that letting go of an “attachment” such as this would not be in our best interest. What I suspect is that the word “attachment” gets used interchangeably in some translations with the word “clinging” and us English speakers naturally get confused about which meaning is implied. Although your description of the differences between healthy attachment and unhealthy attachment are elucidating – I wonder if someone could volunteer some more suggestions on where to draw the line? The Buddha said to not take his word for it – to regard experience as the best teacher – and so if you find that a particular attachment of yours is causing suffering to let go of it! But if a particular attachment of yours brings joy and the cultivation of healthy mind states then to keep that “attachment” in your life if possible. Thanks for sharing!

    -J.D.

    November 3, 2022 at 8:32 pm #409521
    Matt
    Participant

    I kind agree with you in the sense that this should be the understanding in lay life. However, it is no accident that Buddhism is still at its core a religion of monastic renunciates. This actually supports your connection to attachment theory. In some cases people’s ability to attach has been so damaged (from trauma) that monasticsm seems the only way of finding some degree of stability, wholeness and meaning, especially when one feels unfit to be in a relationship or have a baby (which would only perpetuate those painful attachment issues to the next generation). This is why Buddhists say they take “refuge” in the three treasures. It may literally be the only place for such poor souls to go.

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