Hi Kaytie! ( and others on here)

I’m not sure if my advice/thoughts will be helpful, because I don’t experience OCD like thoughts very often anymore. This forum and its members  (the entire tiny Buddha forum) has helped me so I wanted to maybe see if I could write something that might help someone else.

I recently deleted my old account. but- I was scrolling the forums today and saw your post- which really interested me!!! So I’m back again, again. I won’t delete- because I’m honestly not sure why I did in the first place.

anyway- my apologies for the ramble.

So my name is Lea, I’m 19 and I’ve personally gone through some of the things you described. I never received an OCD diagnosis- however I showed many signs of ocd and I experienced compulsions. So, because I haven’t had a diagnosis, my experience might be very different than yours- or any other members here. It also could be quite similar.

I started experiencing compulsions in middle school and they worsened in high school. As I got into high school I began to notice that many compulsive acts and ‘ocd panic thoughts’ came from an insecurity- or as you mentioned a wound and/or event. My train of thought in high school went something like this: ‘I let my dog be beat by a trainer- I’m a bad person. But I promised that I’d never let anything happen to him again. I will keep that promise.’ I remember feeling guilt after this incident. Therefore I ended up spiraling into a compulsive checking routine. I had one of those pet cameras and I’d check on him every hour. When I was at home I’d check on him often. I’d bring treats and let him. If I saw someone on social media post something about how they were spending time with their dog I’d need to go check on him or spend time with him. if I left too long between seeing him I’d get waves of complete sheer panic. I’d completely derail my plans to go see him. Studying and in the work flow? Boom I’d interrupt it to go see my dog.

I thought- even though I knew it was ridiculous – that he would hate me if I didn’t check on him or ‘spend time with him’.
I knew it was a problem so order to overcome this I practiced what you’re describing (observing the thought pausing and not judging). Someone else suggested to me that this could be called the Notice-Stop-Pause technique. Which can not only be applied to obsessive thoughts- but anything thought or habit. I currently am actively practicing this technique to stop a certain behavioral pattern that I have created for myself.

To overcome the ritual- the compulsive checking- I would meditate. I found one certain guided meditation- I don’t remember the one but it was very short. I believe the mediation was one for anxious people and observing thoughts. At first observing the thought didn’t work- because I hadn’t practiced the technique. Personally as I continued to work on this skills- the better I became at overcoming the compulsive thoughts.

There were times I would just get mad at myself and I wouldn’t check for a while. I’d let myself get so uncomfortable that I was crying. This is not a solution. Don’t punish yourself. A member on the forum gave me a lot of advise on this. And  told me in an indirect way ‘you can’t heal yourself with hate and anger’ as hard as it is, the first step to overcoming OCD is being kind to yourself.

I must go now, so maybe I’ll post more on this in a few days. Wishing you (Kaytie) and everyone who may read this a wonderful wonderful night/evening/day.

Sincerely, Lea