Dear Elizabeth:

I know from our short communication previously that you are a very private person and that sharing your burdens is not easy for you because you “sort of learnt early in  life that people tend to use your weakness and especially your pain against you” (Sept 15, 2021). And therefore, I appreciate that you felt safe enough here to post a new thread and share your burdens some more. In my response to you, I need to be careful to not do what was done to you: to not use what you share against you in any way, shape or form.

“I have seen what you do to people you like- I have seen what you do to people you do not love- I do not want to be either“-

-this is quite profound, to me: when a person mistreats the people he likes and the people he does not like.. this means that he mistreats or will mistreat everyone that he interacts with long-enough, that it’s just a matter of time (?)

“for you I wasn’t even a friend- I was someone that you could find relief and comfort“- reads like he used you as some thing rather than someone, not treating you like a human who deserves genuine respect and appreciation.

“At the time I was dying to be heard and you happened to show up- For a short time, it felt like I was finally getting the relief that my soul craved.. the affection I craved so much“- the cravings of the soul are very powerful, including the craving to be heard, and the craving to be liked and considered special to someone.

“I fell deeper and deeper- Until I was completely immersed in you“- fell deeper and deeper into long ago hopes and dreams, reads like, to me, hopes and dreams of being heard and liked and attended to and loved.

“It’s been eight months since we broke up.. Gosh I hated you so much- The next few days I felt so lifeless and angry.. It’s been a rollercoaster.. I am taking it one day at a time- And I am hopeful that I will be fine one day“- I am hopeful too that you will be fine one day, sooner than later. Maybe today.. for a short while, if not for the whole day.

anita

Dear Elizabeth:

It’s good to read that you are feeling better and beginning to get your old self back!

“I am..  genuinely looking for the lesson in all this“-

– maybe, just maybe there is something to learn from this sentence: “its sad that this person didn’t even realize how genuinely i felt about him. he has no idea that i was one of those people in his life that will always want the best for him“: it reads like a big part of your pain has been that he failed to recognize and value your love for him.. that your love for him was lost on him.

Am I understanding correctly?

I am asking because a big part of my pain in another relationship context, the one with my mother, was that she treated my pure, intense and unconditional love for her as if it was nothing, or something disposable, of no value. It used to be impossible for me to understand how something that felt so big and strong and full of life (my love for her).. could go unnoticed or unappreciated by her.

anita

Dear Elizabeth:

“I just want to be ok. I want to be indifferent. but i also want to remember this whole ordeal.. I think this keeps happening because I have not been learning my lesson. This time around i am taking my time and making sure that I completely learn my lesson.  I feel like that’s the only time I will be able to move past this point“-

– I think that it will help you to produce an essay with the title “My Lesson” (or a different title chosen by you!). Like an academic essay, from a first draft to a final draft. If you think it’s a good idea and would like to post your essay here, please do. I will be glad to read it, and if you want my feedback, let me know.

anita

Dear Elizabeth:

I hope that you will write more and more and by doing so, help yourself and other young women make better choices!

anita