Dear Houston:

Your anger: “we had a disagreement that escalated to a brief emotional outburst on my part where I said things I didn’t mean.. Even though I felt terrible for what I had said, in the moment I half-defended my comment and then put her on the spot and asked her if she was breaking up with me… I responded out of hurt and said something “I guess being cold helps moving on. Take care”- this is your verbal aggression against her (the outburst), and passive-aggression (“I guess being cold..”).

“She referenced that line by saying ‘I can tell you that my piece isn’t breaking, it’s broken.”- aggression in the context of an intimate relationship breaks intimacy, it breaks the person receiving the aggression. In other words, aggression kills love.

To resume a better relationship with her, you have to learn to manage your anger well so that you no longer direct aggression or passive-aggression against her. There needs to be no aggression in the relationship. You have to show her that you are able to practice a no-aggression policy in the relationship.

anita