Thank you !

Thank you for your answer Anita.

I didn’t make my introduction. I am Damien from France and she lives in Ukraine which has a complicated situation because of war in the eastern part of the country. That also explain some traumatism as her family lives in the region.

That’s correct. We have been dating for 7 years Also depression came from different factors because at the same I had some personal problems that affected negatively the relationship. So she decided the pause in order I change. But depression also came from other factors such as her work and the situation during covid, and being alone in the flat we shared sometime and without opportunity to see her family.

Yes after some time of silence, we spoke sometime to give news and by january we reinstalled communication and step by step  complicity.
But then indeed she made another episode. More related to work I guess but it could be also connected to the first one.
I could have offered to come earlier but when I offered this by end of june, she was probably in bad condition and then she made the decision to go on our seperate ways.
She also said that my changes are not enough but I don’t know if it’s a excuse or not. She also didn’t see me so she can’t know for sure.

Yes I believe that now the opportunity would be to go to take some of my stuff to also make her space in the flat but also this would be opportunity because we would meet at least after so long time.  And as you say it could maybe make a difference and some support. By text it’s not the same and it could be even a reason by being alone that it worsened her condition.
So this would be last chance. But I don’t know how she is exactly. She could also require some time or she would even want to move on. I don’t know but at least physically meeting could change something and if not at least allow some time and be in contact until she gets better. I don’t know if I could hold hand or something if we are not couple anymore. But for sure it could change being physically close. It will depend on the level of her depression.

She is pharmacist. She didn’t directly work with covid patients but saw some of colleagues she worked with dying and this is a shock. I remember she shared this with me some months ago.

Thanks for your time.

Thank you Anita.

You are right I noticed some kind of anxiety, often stressed by her work. I was not knowing it as by opposition I am quite peaceful or at least without worry. So I was just saying to be less stressed without knowing.

Yes I had some serious problems in my childhood which affected the relationship. Some behavior was the lack of attention, I was not listening to her, egocentrism and bringing back everything to me without listening were some examples. She didn’t have her space in the relationship. Also she could see no future because we were planning to live together in the same flat in my country but I didn’t have a job. This insecurity brought her little by little some part of the depression. Her anxiety started with the impossibily to have a future projection. But this was already almost 1 year ago and I made great progress. I visited a therapist, found ways for a job. She acknowledged these changes.  And we rebuilt our communication like before.
But of course as we can’t meet in real, she can’t really see.
In the last message she thanked me for my support and everything I did and my presence. But said after changes was not enough. But also said I grown very much.

I believe since we haven’t met since january 2020 when I was another person she can’t imagine.
You are right that I should show her I am the solution and she can see I can really help. And this may be not possible to see until we meet. But being in depression, she decided to remove the problem.
It may take some time depending how she is now.
And in some way or another even if I am not entirely responsible for her depression, it can remind her negative thoughts.

Thank you Anita

I don’t think it was because of money. We didn’t talk about salary. When she said it was not enough, it was about the last messages in general. Or maybe to excuse what we should go on separate ways I don’t know. I don’t know exactly what aspect she was talking about. But she is not the kind of person who require some money. Knowing her, it would be sufficient to be happy with what we have.
But before it was true that she was saying that without a job, she couldn’t see how living together could be possible.

In her depression I really don’t know how she is. And I guess first step would be to have a time together in real life, not texting anymore. Before we were exchanging quite a lot and she seemed happy for my changes and even 1 week before her decision, she was looking forward we could meet.

Thank you Anita.

I believe yes. It was way too long and some issues could have been avoid if there wouldn’t be the covid. But of course beyond that, she’ll also want to see.
With her depression I have to see and then act accordingly. Because I won’t be able to tell her everything if she seems too weak. For example, I wanted to tell her that I am here to support her or I want to rebuild something but it will depend if she will be open to hear and how she is when I will see her.
But so far I left her no speaking for 3 weeks. I planned to break the silence and tell her I will come in about 2 weeks.

It’s true I will have to prepare what to tell about me, my changes. Also be supportive, attentive. Getting interested and curious about her, her work, her family.. Be there for her but without mentioning the depression as it is something difficult for her that can’t solve. All that without stressing too much.
I know she is seeing a therapist and taking antidepressant.

Thank you ! She will have to see in real the difference. She acknowledged, saw some but all this by text. But still, she decided so to break up. Indeed this is something I need to try to do so she feels understood and supported. Because before I was totally another who cared only about herself.

No she doesn’t know. Since her decision I left her space and silence for some time. Now I will try to reconnect with her and tell her I will try to come to take some things and perhaps we will be able to have a discussion somewhere and she will accept it.