The first question you might want to ask yourself is why do you want all these things? What happiness will they bring? What void are you trying to fill with all of these superficial externalities?

Remember the second noble truth – the cause of suffering is desire and craving. It is a vicious cycle that will never end; there will always be a better looking girl, there will always be a place you haven’t visited, you could always be more famous, you could always have more money, you could always be more important, you could always be more successful, and yet none of these things will make you happy.

What is wrong with fantasy? That’s just it. It’s all fantasy. It’s the fact that you’ll be constantly be living in your head. If you let it, your imagination will run wild. This is your mind and ego playing its old tricks dragging you into wanting more and more. Given in now and you’ll never be satiated. You’ll always be running after something.

Have a good wife, make a good income, take time off from work, be a hero to your community, let your children be your legacy, and be an important person to your family and friends – that is happiness! 🙂

Hey Lester,

From what I gather, you’re approaching this with wide eyes open and that’s commendable. Scary, but commendable. You know that the life you described will only lead to depression, heartache, stress, anxiety, loneliness, despair, a potential mental nervous breakdown, and yet you’re still willing to chase after that fantasy.

(To be honest, I have a bit of hard time believing that you’ve actually experienced these things in their full force, because anyone who has will tell you that depression, anxiety, and loneliness are a hell worse than any made up in any story, but I’ll have to give you the benefit of the doubt.)

But if a man has had his hand singed to a crisp and is about to put his hand in the fire knowing full well that he’s about to be burned again, it’s probably going to be very hard to try and stop him.

What I propose as alternative is a middle path and not one of extremes, all or nothing, nor black or white thinking.

I disagree that desire and craving leads to evolution and growth. Desire and craving lead to revolution. And, if we’ve learned anything from history, all revolutions result in immediate pain and suffering. It’s only through a return to modesty, humility, peace, and striving for equanimity that we can actually make progress, evolve, and grow.

It’s okay to dream and have hopes, but ones that are grounded in reality, look beyond the superficial, and recognize the impermanence of things like beauty, wealth, and success. My advice would be, don’t slip into the black hole of fantasy. Even teetering on its edge can suck you right in and never let you go.

• This reply was modified 11 years, 4 months ago by John.

Lester,

Its true that desire leads us into the next moment, but there are noble desires, such as those which lead to the betterment of all people, and self-centric desires, which lead to the accumulation of sensually pleasing objects with no regards as to cost.

Some people do not believe that desire for sense pleasure leads to suffering. That’s fine, and you’re correct that it leads to lessons. When we ignore the lessons, we are given other chances to learn. The thing is, the lesson from sense pleasure chasing is being unfulfilled, which is difficult to abandon because being unfulfilled pushes us to replace the lost sense pleasure with new ones. Ie, hungry ghost. Often, one has to cycle down until it is so painful that they abandon it out of pain. The lucky ones, with a mustard seed of faith, hear the truth and quickly see and abandon craving.

Also consider that perhaps some of the innovations, such as the lightbulb, do not represent “dreams of wealth and women” coming true. Rather, some people look at their skill, a need the world has, and attempts to apply their knowledge for the betterment of all. Edison invented many things, but we have no reason to assume he was happy. Or that he wasn’t.

What we do know is that many, many teachers who have looked deeply into the causes and conditions of happiness have stated in one way or another that material/sensual pleasure is not the path to joy. It brings about the pain which inspires the abandonment of that path for the path of joy… but the path itself is cyclical and unsatisfying.

With warmth,
Matt

Knowledge and experience are worthy goals only if its to learn how empty and vapid the things you described really are. We could spare you the time, effort, energy, suffering, and pain to tell you that they are, but if you need first hand experience to truly know it, by all means go for it.

I’m of the mindset that there are certain things I can learn based on the experience of others and not necessarily through first hand experience (e.g. more money leads to more problems, sex without love leaves you feeling empty and unsatisfied, no matter what mark you make on the world eventually it will be forgotten, etc)

But I also recognize I’m also no different from you. I still have very common selfish desires and cravings and strive to accomplish certain things in life so in that way, you and are very similar and struggle with similar issues.

Lester,

Your statement that desire is needed is true. When we are hungry, it inspires a desire to eat. This does not mean that all desires are worth pursuing. Sometimes the lesson of the pricker bush is to not push our face into it. One of my teachers said go ahead and follow your desires, but do it with awareness. The unhealthy will naturally fall away.

With warmth,
Matt

It’s funny that this thread got revived with a reply because it actually came to mind recently.

As I continue my practice, I’m learning to discern the difference between requiring, wanting, and needing.

We require air, food, water, and safety to survive.

We can want money, sex, success, and happiness.

But in reality, there’s nothing that we need.

Our basic requirements allow us to function. Our wants add variety and spice to life. But the moment those wants become ‘needs’ or make us ‘needy’, we lose our footing and grasp on reality and spiral into stress, anxiety, suffering, and pain.

• This reply was modified 11 years, 2 months ago by John.
• This reply was modified 11 years, 2 months ago by John.