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Best friends or more??

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  • July 6, 2013 at 6:27 am #38057
    Matt
    Participant

    Lana,

    Divorce can be difficult and take some time to heal. I dated a few women who were ready and open far more than I was, even though I thought I was whole. Consider that he might need a friend, but dating and sex might be something that still conflicts in him. Give it time.

    If you’re in pain because he refuses to talk about it, then the pain could be hurting the friendship. When you look at him, do you first see a friend that is confused about romantic love or do you see a man who is unwilling to go the next step with you? It makes a difference! He needs the friend, perhaps give him time and space. Love draws all things together, so if it can be, it will be. Don’t force it. That way, you’re growing your heart.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    July 6, 2013 at 9:42 am #38062
    Lana
    Participant

    Matt,

    First thank you for your post 🙂
    He stills in a lot of pain because the divorce and he’s the first to say that he doesn’t want any kind of serious relation right now. He like this girl, have fun with her, but he’s always making very clear to me that is not in love with her or considers a real relation – just a date.

    I was sad that he didn’t talk about the message i sent,because if we are such good friends, he could be honest with me and say that he didn’t felt the same way I did.
    I was really hurt in the past and is difficult for me to let somebody in, but with him, all happen naturally, and he says the same… when I look at him I still see confused signs, because in one way I see my best friend that’s always worried about me. Sometimes I see a man who have jealousy reactions when I play with other co-worker and he’s always making sure that I know is real feelings about the other girl, and every time I try to create some distance, he just doesn’t let me.

    I decided to just let it flow. Now I don’t have any man in my life, but if someone appears I won’t let this feeling I have right now get in the way. It just all of yhis sometimes is very very confusing

    Lana

    July 6, 2013 at 9:57 am #38065
    Matt
    Participant

    Lana,

    You don’t seem confused to me. You can’t predict the future, which is different. :p He is the one who is sorting things out, and is giving tons of mixed signals. Instead of imagining “what do those signals mean for our future”, consider “what do mixed signals say about the man giving them.” He sounds like he is confused, and not sure what he wants, which will take time. From how you describe him, it doesn’t seem like he’s leading you on, rather is healing from a broken intimacy.

    Just make sure to take opportunities to love if they come up, he might only ever be a friend… and you deserve someone who goes gaga for you! 🙂 Either way, you sound like a great friend and that is a precious gift you give to him. Well done!

    With warmth,
    Matt

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