Dear Katrine Nielsen:

I am well, thank you, Katrine. I hope you are okay and that your sister’s health has improved.

You shared regarding this former friend: “I had a close friend. We had been good friends for years, and never had an argument… (she) suffers from mental health problems due to childhood trauma (she’s diagnosed with BPD)”-

– in the core definition of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is “unstable and chaotic interpersonal relationships”, including frequent arguments and fights. People suffering from BPD do not have long-term, stable relationships, where they are close to another person for a years. If your friend was diagnosed with BPD, and fit the diagnosis through the years of your friendship, how is it that she has been able to be a close friend to you, never an argument- any idea?

You shared about your family members: “They know something is wrong with me since I’m the only one who  never had a boyfriend with me to family events, but they don’t know what exactly”-

-if you want to, and only if you do, can you tell me more about your relationship with your mother when you were a child and onward?

anita

Dear Katrine Nielsen:

I ask questions because I am trying to understand myself, and then, help you understand things better:

1) If the you and this woman, diagnosed with BPD, “only met up once every 6 months or so.. usually watch a movie or eat at a café and such”, then it is not accurate to say that she has been “a close friend”, and that the two of you were “good friends for years”, is it?

I mean, meeting twice a year or so does not constitute a close friendship, does it?

2) In September 13, last year, you wrote about your mother: “My mom just had a complete mental breakdown, and I’m terrified that she would end up hurting herself. She’s been on the edge for years… She’s crying all day and refusing to talk. I know that she needs to go on furlough and get help. She’s been needing this for twenty years but refuses to accept help”.

Today, you wrote regarding your mother (and father): “My parents don’t understand anxiety, like why are you anxious there’s nothing to be anxious about”.

How is it possible that your mother, having been on the edge for years, etc., does not understand anxiety?

anita

Dear Katrine Nielsen:

Your anxiety started when you were 7, at home, living with your parents and older sister. But when you left for London on your own and lived there away from your family for 16 months, you felt a whole lot better: “For the first time in my life I started feeling like a normal person”.

Back home from London, back to your family, you were “back to Square one”. Square one included “severe anxiety, depression and stress” (August 12, 2020).

You shared back in Aug 12 last year about your childhood: “I’ve been experiencing bullying, physical and mental abuse, emotional blackmail and gaslighting”.

Today, in your most recent post, you explained (you did a good job explaining, thank you), that your mother understands being anxious about actual problematic/ dangerous situations like losing one’s job or home, but she doesn’t understand being anxious about every day things, like being afraid of taking a bus and sitting in the front, which is not an actual a problem/ danger.

I am wondering if she has been/ is aware of the actual problems/ dangers that you did experience as a child, including the actual “bullying, physical abuse” that you suffered, and I wonder how she reacted to those things happening to you…(?)

anita

Dear Katrine Nielsen:

When you were verbally abused, punched and bullied by your peers in school, and bullied by two teachers as well, your mother, or father, or both, told you “to ignore it and think about something else”.

You wrote: “I guess the pretending it doesn’t happen makes it go away, is easier in a way”- it was easier for your parents to pretend that the abuse you suffered did not happen because it didn’t happen to them.

The title of your thread is “Feeling betrayed”, referring to being betrayed by two friends, but seems to me that you were betrayed by two other people: your parents who allowed for you to be abused by others, not protecting you from the abuse you suffered in school.

You wrote regarding your parents: “They also took me to a child psychiatrist and he told them they were not to force me dealing with my anxiety. Which they didn’t.. the teachers would force me.. I went home and cut my wrist trying to regain some sense of control”-

– I don’t understand what you meant by what I italicized. Can you explain it to me?

anita

Dear Katrine Nielsen:

If I understand correctly, your parents first tried to force you to do what you were afraid to do, but later, after seeing a psychiatrist who told them to stop trying to force you to do what you were afraid to do- they no longer did. They no longer tried to force you to do what you were afraid of doing.

If I understood correctly, can you give me a few examples of what your parents did when they tried to force you to do this or that: what they said or did to you and how you reacted?

anita

Dear Katrine Nielsen:

I hope you get some sleep very soon, and if you can’t sleep, I hope that you get to rest, perhaps take a hot bath, listen to soft music and relax, best you can.

You shared that when you are about to attend a social gathering with one side of the family, you get extremely anxious, afraid that you will be criticized and belittled. All that anxiety/ ongoing fear is exhausting to you. (“I’m completely exhausted from being anxious”)- anxiety is exhausting for everyone, I know from personal experience.

“Every person I’ve ever told about my anxiety thinks to just have to force yourself and you will be fine”- I say: do not force yourself, do not put pressure on yourself when anxious. Instead: be kind and gentle with yourself, like you would be to an anxious little girl who needs your help.

“I feel weak whenever I’m saying no (which is rare)…I’m only saying no when I’m completely exhausted from being anxious”- when you can, after you rest perhaps, can you tell me what kinds of requests and expectations do you have difficulty saying No to, as a child and since?

anita