Dear Lizzie:

You dated a man for two months and kept in touch with him while in different geographic locations for about 4 months. Currently he is in Asia for a year. The relationship has not been defined, and no promises or commitments have been made, such as a commitment to be exclusive.

You are wondering whether you should wait for him for a year while you do not know if he is waiting for you- I think that waiting for a man is the same as being committed to him, and therefore, it is not a good idea to be committed to him all by yourself, not knowing if he is committed to you as well. Either the two of you wait for each other, or no one waits, is what I think.

“I hate being the kind of person who needs a commitment, why not just live in the moment and see what happens?.. Should I try to define things between us or keep going as it is and just see what happens?”-

– I am guessing that if you were the kind of a woman who lived in the moment on a regular basis, you wouldn’t be considering an option of living in the moment. Please don’t hate yourself for needing a commitment.

I don’t see how a person who needs a commitment in a relationship can go  without a commitment day after day, week after week, for months. I imagine it would make you anxious to not know.. therefore, I suggest that you do have a conversation with him regarding the relationship. Make it as light as you can, bring it about in a casual manner, but be clear about your intent and motivation.

What do you think?

anita