Thank you Anita for your reply.

Because I’m an idiot haha. No, because it’s still part of me I guess and I don’t want to lose all of my old indenting completely. My Nan called me Julie, and other good people in my life. I won’t be using my middle names other than for official documents either but I’d like to keep them as little Julie was a happy girl at times and I was Julie when I married my husband and had my babies. So not all is had attached to it but I want a new name for this fresh start in my life.

I like Luna-Lily to mark my new spiritual life and health recovery and my grandmother. Bad things did happen as Julie, a lot of bad so I’m hoping as Luna I can start to rebuild myself as a new person. I’ve read it’s helped so many with ptsd.

I do still respect my parents gave me the name, but that’s just me I’m told I’m far too nice. I show respect despite my mother and fathers actions. Yesterday my son got his GCSE  exam results. My mum didn’t even show up with a card or small gesture like she did for my older son 2 years ago, and for her other grandson (sisters son) . She has always let my middle son down and yesterday for a while I let it hurt me but then when she sent a message of congratulating him I thanked her politely and didn’t express how hurt my son and I were at how differently she treats him. She said ‘I’ll see him after this Covid business’. It didn’t stop her racing here on my eldest sons 18th in June to stand outside to see him haha.  She made very little effort before Covid so I don’t expect much after. My son and I showed respect and thanked her for her text message and left it at that. Maybe that’s just growth but yes I am too nice and I’ve grown past anger.

Norit,

I absolutely love that. Thank you. I also read Lily mean rebirth. How lovely is that.

You’ve made me smile. Thank you 😊

Thank you Anita.

I see what you mean. I only have contact with my mum if she ever contacts me to ask how the children are. This is usually only on birthdays or special occasions. Other than that there is very very little communication. I haven’t seen my mum in person for 4 years, when she has tried to see my children they’ve met on neutral territory with my husband. So she got in touch yesterday purely because of my sons results. So I will be pleasant when she contacts me at those times. Yes, yesterday opened up old wounds of the way she treated me because she treats my children with a similar behaviour at times. My reaction to it now though is completely different to the reaction I used to get years ago when I would cry and beg her to be a mum, beg her  to be a grandmother, etc. I now would never dream of letting her get to me like that. So although there is a little bit of communication between us it is rare, and only ever civil on my part and for the sake of my children. They have very little to do with my mum, she rarely asks to see them and that is of her own making.

In regards to my siblings, they have absolutely zero contact with my children and that won’t change. My younger sister is now a drug addict and she almost lost her children. My stepfather saw my son just before Christmas last year and he said to him your mum did the right thing walking away and she is doing the right things and never come back. He told my son that he now was on antidepressants because of how ill that family have made him. He told my son that my younger sister is now a drug addict and her children are suffering from anxiety as a result from what they’ve seen, my brother is still on stable and my sister the toxic violent one she has threatened my stepdad and he said it’s made him extremely unwell with depression and anxiety. He said I can now see that your mum was the only nice normal one and she’s done the right thing. My stepfather saw my son just before Christmas last year and he said to him ‘your mum did the right thing walking away and she is doing the right thing to never come back’. He told my son that he now on antidepressants because of how ill that family have made him. He told my son that my younger sister is now a drug addict and her children are suffering from anxiety as a result from what they’ve seen, my brother is still unstable and my sister (the toxic violent one) she has threatened my stepdad and he said it’s made him extremely unwell with depression and anxiety. He said ‘I can now see that your mum was the only nice normal one and she’s done the right thing’. I hope he one day finds the strength to leave that family, my mum has made him so depressed it’s sad.

My son turned 18 recently and my sister got in touch with him and said ‘you’re 18 now you don’t need to ask your mum and dads permission come round for a drink at ours’.  My son immediately shut her  down and said ‘no thank you, when I do start going out for a drink it’ll be with my friends’. She’s left him alone since but we knew she would do that when he turned 18.

So although I will be civil whenmy mum does contact on special occasions for my children, I am proud of the progress I have made and how much I have grown as a person because I no longer feel like I need those people and I absolutely can live without them. I have proved to myself that I’ve got everything I need in my own little family.