Dear Namaste0320:

A little about your childhood: you are the youngest of 5 siblings. You were overweight when younger and your brothers verbally bullied you. You grew up “being silly and goofy”.

You shared that you are a 30 year old single woman, a Registered Nurse. You did bedside  nursing for 5 years, then switched to a clinical supervisor position in nursing administration for the last 3 years. During these 3 years you encountered hurdles that you didnt foresee, and for the first 2 or 2.5 years of these three years you experienced major social anxiety and major depression. On your days off you sat inside your apartment with the blinds closed, in your pajamas all day, watching TV on the couch.

The hurdles at the job: 1. Being still in your 20s and supervising staff members much older than you, some 20 years older, and who are also “mean people!” 2. “I had no idea people lied as much as they did and I didn’t know that it could  be viewed as okay.. my boss lied like crazy but she was one of the ‘best directors’ of the department that the staff has had in years”.

You came into the role with a “romanticized idea” of the career world, the above 2 items hit you “like a ton of bricks”, and “all of a sudden being in this role, everybody intimidated me. All of a sudden I had no backbone”.

You are now exploring other careers within nursing, and you found a school nursing job at a Music College. You are excited about it, having musical background, but the pay cut will be almost 50 thousand dollars. So on one hand you currently have a job that pays good money and “a lot of opportunity to advance and also be monetarily compensated well” or a job that pays 50K less with “no real ‘job security'”.

The motivation you had since an early age when you were bullied by your four older brothers was this: “I’ve been trying to prove to everyone and myself that I am a strong person, that I have the stamina to make it through tough times”. You are also motivated to compete with friends “who are successfully advancing their way through their career”.

My input: first thing that comes to my mind is that quality psychotherapy during part of the last 3 years would have been a good idea, because you were able to afford it, and it would have been a good  place to explore your difficulties at the job. It would have been a good investment financially because it could have resulted in your staying in this lucrative career path.

If you decide to stay at your current position, I suggest you seek quality psychotherapy as soon as possible.

I assume people at the college will not be as mean and lie so much there because it may be a more laid back workplace (because less money and less financial advancement is involved). So I assume it will not be as difficult for you as your current position, it will not hit you “like a ton of bricks” when you are actually on the job, but it may still be disappointing because just as you had a romanticized idea about the nursing administration career path, you may have a romanticized idea about the school nursing job at the college, a romanticized idea that is currently fueling your excitement.

Reads to me that having been bullied by your 4 older brothers, and not having been effectively protected from that bullying by your parents, affected you a lot. Maybe you were “silly and goofy” growing up in an effort to have that bullying slide off you, not sinking deep. Fast forward, the older staff members at your current job, being “mean people!” represent your older brothers, in your mind, and as a result you experienced the anxiety and depression that you experienced as a child, when bullied.

All in all, it is possible that it is better for you to take the new job, if the income is enough for you to be able to live comfortably, and if it includes a good health care program. On the other hand, if you find an excellent psychotherapist (and maybe a short term psychiatric medication), you may make it through your current hurdles and over time, in the future, make positive changes in the nursing administration field. It will take enduring the current boss’s dishonesty simply because there is nothing you can do about it. If you quit- she will still be dishonest, she will still lie, and so, you will not make the work place you will be leaving- a better place because you left.

What do you think about my input so far?

anita