Dear Kenny:

It’s good to read the following: “we are no longer in contact and I am focusing on healing.. I exercise, I work and most importantly I work on releasing this attachment”- I hope that you use your thread for this goal that you expressed here.

You asked: “please let me know the truth, help me understand from a third person’s point of view, so I can move on (to) build a bright future for myself and be happy once again”-

– I will do my best based on what you shared two years ago, August 2018 and today. I will first quote what you shared on both threads and then give you my input.

August 2018: “My ex.. called me a cheater, a liar… this relationship has broken me so much.. I attempted suicide twice through overdosing on sleep medication.. I tried to harm myself… I told her to punch me and used her arm (which she went through surgery post accident) and punched myself, resulting in her feeling pain and caused some swelling. She labeled me an abusive boyfriend after that, and told her family members about me being abusive…

“She used to break up with me almost every other week, and I would  tell her.. I want to end my life. I wanted her to know how painful it was.. She told me I am weak ..from having suicidal thoughts. She told me if I really want to do it, I should go ahead and jump…

“Am I just delusional for thinking that she abused me, and that I am in reality the abuser of this relationship, and that I am really this monster she said I am.. creating things in my head to make myself feel less like a monster..?

“Over the course of these few days I have come to a decision that I am.. the negativity of my ex’s life.. I am sick and I am beyond saving, in my opinion”- those were your last words in your previous thread, two years ago.

Two years later, July 8, 2020, you shared: “Due to the virus I was not doing well financially. Me and my ex stayed together… After a huge argument, she decided to breakup.. I lashed out at her.. in the form of harsh words that I can never possibly take back. I attempted suicide.. after coming out of the hospital.. I had constant anxiety and depression, I attempted suicide multiple times… One night I decided to deal with pain in my usual toxic ways through alcohol and painkillers. I called her up hoping she would care but I got my usual cold response… I took a knife and slit my wrist.. drank bleach, took pain killers and fainted by the side of the road. I woke up feeling horrible body aching.. we are no longer in contact and I am focusing on healing”.

My input: I am so glad to read that you and your ex girlfriend are no longer in contact and that you are focusing on your healing. I am suggesting the following to help your purpose of healing:

1. Maintain zero contact with your ex girlfriend no matter what. Don’t communicate with her at all.

2. Seek professional medical/ health care help as soon as possible regarding your “usual toxic ways through alcohol and painkillers”.

2. Learn all that you can learn from this long term unhealthy relationship that you had:

– reads to me that the two of you abused each other. When her arm was recovering from a surgery, and you took her arm and hit yourself with her injured arm, you physically abused her. When you lashed out at her with words, you verbally abused her. When you told her again and again that you will commit suicide, you emotionally abused her. Make a promise to yourself that in a future relationship, you will not abuse your girlfriend. If she abuses you, leave the relationship. Do not stay and carry on an unhealthy, mutually abusive relationship.

It takes courage to recognize your own wrongdoings and correct those wrongdoings, and I hope you have this courage. But remember: do not try to correct your wrongdoings with the same woman. This relationship you had has been so sick, there is no fixing it.

I wish you well, and I hope, like I suggested, that you use this thread for your healing and moving forward to a better life for yourself.

anita

Dear Kenny:

“There’s a lot of issues that I am currently working on”- if you want to work on one of your issues on this thread, you are welcome to bring it up and work on it here. I will be glad to read from you and respond every time you post.

I wish you were able to have high quality psychotherapy at this point, this would be best for you.

anita