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First relationship might be ending

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  • April 18, 2020 at 6:03 pm #350414
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jordan:

    “She said she hasn’t been happy for months, but she also said that by the end of the quarantine she might completely regret saying any of this. She said she is bored with me”-

    – maybe she is quarantine-crazed: it is well known that the quarantine has been difficult for most couples, living together or otherwise spending a lot of time together.

    Without socializing individually and as a couple with other people, without going out and about, two people get the feeling of being stuck with each other, getting annoyed with the other person, craving for something new.

    It didn’t happen to you yet, but it may have happened to her.

    The following are websites I just happened to come across after I read your original post:

    bestlifeonline. com/ relationship-tips-couples-quarantine (no spaces)reads regarding couple living together:”If you live with a romantic partner, the prospect of spending a few weeks alone together may sound like a blessing under normal circumstances. But there’s a difference between not leaving the house for days on end because you don’t want to and not leaving because you can’t, as is the current situation.. The truth is, quarantine can put a real strain on a relationship. In fact, China- which is slowly emerging from a lengthy lockdown due to Covid-19- recently experienced a sudden spike in divorce rate, and experts say coronavirus is to blame…”.

    www. vox. com/ culture/ 2020/ 3/ 20/ 21187296/ coronavirus-quarantine-husband-wife-roommate-family-couples-therapy-cope: “I’ve heard this concern from a lot of couples I know- as well as from lots of people who live with roommates they normally like but whose habits they’re increasingly finding annoying in this time of forced solitude.”

    In the above two websites, there are tips and advice for couples in quarantine. You may want to look at (and suggest to your girlfriend to  look at)  www. wikihow. com/ Nurture-Your-Relationship-with-Your-Partner-During-the-Coronavirus-Outbreak.

    Post again if you want to, I’ll be glad to communicate further with you.

    anita

     

    • This reply was modified 5 years ago by .
    June 4, 2020 at 4:20 pm #357611
    Jordan
    Participant

    Hey Anita, thanks so much for the reply! Tbh I forgot I ever posted it, I posted much of the same thing on various sites directly after her ending things.

    I have since moved back in with my family across the country and have realized that the relationship was not good, probably for either of us. I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, if you’ve heard of that, and I think that for a week or two after she ended things I was in panic mode trying to get her back so I wouldn’t be alone. Once it sunk in that there is nothing I could do, I was able to start looking back through all of our time together with a different perspective, which was very difficult, and honestly I am glad that she had the balls to end it because we both needed it to. We got together when I was very suicidal and she was having her own mental health issues and I guess we kinda fed on one another for all the time since. I have been able to see all of my personal issues I refused to acknowledge before now, and am trying to work on them so that I can be a healthier person who cultivates healthy relationships for once.

    I’m still having a tough time, which I feel is reasonable, but less with losing her and more about how terrible I have been mentally this whole time and how deeply I twisted things to believe that I was doing well. I never fully recovered from my problems as a young teen and this has allowed me to see that, and realize how they played a part in our relationship, and why I had myself convinced that she was it for me and that I wanted only her ever. So yeah! We did break up, we have all the bills and property and such split up finally, and I am working on forging new, better relationships. Though, I am not planning on beginning an actual romantic relationship for a while. Hopefully I’ll come out of all this a better person who is deserving and fair to everyone I share my life with in the future.

    Thank you again so much for your heartfelt reply and the resources you provided! I hope you are doing well.

    June 4, 2020 at 5:38 pm #357613
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jordan:

    I didn’t hear of the term rejection sensitive dysphoria.  I googled it, and www. wikihow. com/ Cope if You Have Rejection Sensitivity explains that the term means extreme sensitivity to  rejection, perceiving rejection in situations where there is no rejection. There are a few tips on this website you may want to look at.

    In your second post you wrote that the break up with your ex girlfriend is complete, bills and property division is complete and you moved across the country to your family. You got together with your ex girlfriend (seven years ago when you were in junior high) when you were “very suicidal and she was having her own mental health issues”, and you never fully recovered from your problems as a young teen.

    If I may ask, what are those problems, Jordan and are you attending psychotherapy?

    anita

     

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