Thank you, Alec.

It is such a difficult decision – thinking about my best friend as more than this is fairly new to me, apart from a few moments when people have made comments about us etc.

I just don’t know if my doubting my current relationship is simply because of the things my friend has said to me – in which case, this is all very new and I might just be caught up in the romantic idea of it, rather than its actuality. I expect it’s natural to have some doubts when you are approaching the time where marriage may be on the cards, and I was having a few thoughts of ‘how do you know if the person you are with is the one?’ (But these may only have arisen because of a few comments my best friend had made to me that hinted he’d liked me in the past).

I’d hate to throw away a good relationship for something that isn’t real…and my relationship is good with my boyfriend, we have barely ever argued, we enjoy doing new things together, we support each other etc. and I was very happy until this bomb shell was dropped on me… although maybe I have always known there was something with my best friend and just not admitted it to myself.

Agh!

Hi there – thank you for your advice.

That is a lovely story! I am so confused about what my real feelings are – I’m concerned I might just be caught up in the romantic idea of it all. As I said, I’ve been with my boyfriend nearly 5 years, and the ‘honeymoon’ phase obviously wanes. I’d hate to lose what is a good relationship, thinking that my best friend was the one for me when really it was just the excitement of something new taking over. How do you know when to make the leap?!

I feel that maybe some space would be helpful, with no contact with either person – but I have bought a house with my boyfriend and I don’t know how to get this space – most of my friends are in a different area as we moved for my boyfriend’s work, and I need to be in this area to go to my work!

Thanks again
🙂

• This reply was modified 11 years, 7 months ago by Louise Martin.

Hi there,

Thank you for everyone’s advice.

I saw my friend again over a week ago, and we talked everything through. It’s so unusual to hear him talk like this, he’s never really found a girlfriend he’s really been into – and so I think once he had told me that he loved me, he then felt he needed to just talk it all out! For me, I love hanging out with him, there is a bit of flirting I guess, but our relationship had almost been more ‘guy-friend-y’ in the past – maybe that’s because he was covering up for how he felt. I knew that we’d always got on better than he had with his girlfriends, and when I think back now maybe I did know that he liked me – maybe I even liked him. But that’s also what I can’t work out! Anyway, for some reason, and I shouldn’t have, but I kissed him – once. I think I wanted to know if there was a spark there. Now, to be honest, the earth didn’t move and all of that – and the next day I felt actually, I was building this up in my mind to be something it isn’t.

We agreed we’d have no contact for a while. However, as days passed I found it really difficult not to contact him, and we ended up exchanging a text or two. He then sent me an email, expressing his feelings – which made me cry! Now, I feel really torn again. I can’t shake this ‘nagging’ feeling that I have that maybe we are meant to be together – yet when I try and be logical about it, my boyfriend is fantastic, we were very happy, he’s caring, fun, encouraging and I do love him. So it doesn’t make sense!

The other thing I wonder, is whether my boyfriend feels about me, the way my friend seems to about me. I’m not saying I don’t feel loved – I do, I think my boyfriend is extremely loving, but I wonder whether he is really passionate about me? Am I the ‘one’ for him as much as anything? Does that make sense? When I think back to the beginning, I went travelling for 6 months and we used to do all of that romantic stuff, missed each other madly and told each other how we felt all of the time. But now, as time goes on clearly things change and maybe that’s normal. The thing is, I feel it might be useful to have some time to miss each other again, maybe a week or two apart – but I don’t want to suggest that in case he thinks I’m trying to end things. I might just be thinking there is something with my friend when actually it’s the flattery/excitement etc. that’s making me feel that way?