Home→Forums→Relationships→Is this permanent or will she come back?
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Anonymous.
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February 10, 2020 at 11:08 am #337446
AnonymousGuestDear E.Bugs:
“She started off saying it’s not because she doesn’t love me..”- she told you what the breakup is not about, not what it is about.
“She said she is just so overwhelmed with what’s going”- she didn’t tell you why your presence in her life as a boyfriend didn’t reduce her overwhelm; why your presence is increasing the overwhelm factor in her life, instead of reducing it.
She may have good reasons for breaking up with you, but she didn’t tell you what those reasons are.
Can you ask her, saying something like this: I need to know, and I will really appreciate knowing why you broke up with me, specifically, what is it that I said and did- or didn’t say and do- that motivated you to break up with me, not in generalities, not vaguely, but specifically?
anita
February 10, 2020 at 11:26 am #337452
E BugsParticipantAnita
Tha I you for the reply. I will definitely try and talk to her about it and ask her those questions.
I forgot to put in there that she felt like she’s a bad girlfriend for not giving me time she feels she should give me. I calmly explained that I dont need to see her constantly to feel like we are dating or not. “If I see you once a week great! Once every other week, great! Once a month, well get your nice clothes on because we will be doing something nice and special.
She also explained (forgot to put this in as well) that she knows I’ll find someone after her and will sleep with them and how it will hurt her knowing that I moved on. I told her there is no one but her for me and that’s the honest truth… I messed around a fair amount in my high school years and got it all out of my system then. I told her I’d be willing to wait until life smoothed out and when basketball ends since shes in her last year of it and she said its selfish of her to expect me to wait for her.
February 10, 2020 at 11:40 am #337456AnonymousGuestDear E Bugs;
It is not unusual for girls/ young women to get scared when they are about to break up with a guy, so they plan what to say at the occasion, so to not make the guy angry.
When she told you that she feels like a bad girlfriend for not giving you time she feels she should, may mean that she is trying to soften the blow of breaking up with you by showing you that she is somewhat tortured by self criticism- which is likely to cause you to comfort her instead of criticizing her further.
When she told you that it will hurt her when she finds out that you will be dating another woman- that may very well be true, but the reason she told you that may be to.. again, soften the blow of breaking up with you by letting you know she will still love you, in a way. It is as if she is saying: don’t get angry at me for breaking up with you, I will still love you!
When you answered each item she brought up, it didn’t change her mind, because the items she brought up were not honest.
I am not saying she is overall a dishonest person; I am saying it takes courage for a young woman (and sometimes older women, and men as well) to tell a man honestly why she is breaking up with him.
“she said its selfish of her to expect me to wait for her”- reads like she doesn’t want you to wait for her because she doesn’t intend to be there for you. Again, softened with self criticism projected into the future, it will be selfish of her.
Post again anytime, and if you ask her what I suggested you ask her (better assure her when you ask her that she will not suffer any negative consequence if she answers honestly, if it is true), you are welcome to let me know her answer and I will reply to you further.
anita
February 12, 2020 at 5:42 am #337762AnonymousInactiveDear E bugs,
I have to side with Anita here. It reads to me she wanted a peaceful breakup but was also emotional because you were a part of her life and I think she has a good feeling in her heart of your time together. But other than that, I don
t think she will be coming back. Not for the right reasons to be exact. Yeah, she is really young, she might get cold feet, or get lonely, or really miss you, or see the grass aint greener either, but those reasons are all bad to reconnect with a person. And you shouldn`t aim for so little.I
m sure she had her reasons to break it up, but again, the excuse of a busy life etc is bs to me, Im sorry to tell you that. How many times do we feel the need to push are loved ones away when we are going through rough times? On the contrary, its support we crave the most. So I doubt thats the real reason and you know that too. Especially since your relationship was fine and in good standing. It makes no sense. But we do have to entertain the possibility of her friend to have putten words in her mind about you and cause her to doubt your future together. She may have cut it out of fear and out of the false certainty you were going to break her heart. If that is true, again, it`s for the best you split up. You need a person mature enough to make their own decisions and not be so easily swayed by others or be so insecure.I wouldn
t wait for anyone at this point in my life. And I would advise you the same. 7+ billion people, wait for what? For who? Its trully romantic to think about all the movies of soulmates reuniting but not in the real world… -
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