Dear Malia:

Feelings of being in love, these are like wind, flowing air. You can’t catch wind and hold it in your hands. And they don’t stay the same, these feelings, like air, sometimes it is a breeze, at other times a strong wind, and yet at times, stale air, nothing is moving.

Don’t have unrealistic expectations when it comes to feeling in love, butterflies and all. Let’s say you watch a movie, a passionate love story.. the two are passionate non stop for a whole.. two hours. Real life is longer than two hours, days and nights, weeks, months, years, passion cannot happen all the time. And it doesn’t. Sometimes the air is stale, not moving, at other times a breeze- it never stays the same for long.

Does this make sense to you?

anita

Dear Malia,

As anita described, it couldn’t be more perfect. Still, I’d be more than glad to put my two cents.

As cliched as it might sound: relationship is a two-way road. This is a basic and necessary thing to understand. While, love is a wind (per anita’s metaphor) that cannot be controlled, relationship has to be something controlled by balanced by both sides. Love sees no side, but as bitter it sounds- relationship does. It doesn’t mean good relationships are balanced and always remain like that. Even the most mature and long-term relationships stumble upon these questions like you’ve been doing.

The thing is: vulnerability. Try to be vulnerable enough to show the other side what your side have been fretting upon. This two-way road works by letting the traffic flow from your side first. On days you doubt your chemistry, on days you feel saddened by the thought of you two breaking up, on days you feel so confused that you feel relieved by staying alone instead. On all those days, you need to let the other side know. Don’t try to ‘over-do’ your talks, but still let them know too. These little “instincts” and blocking out feelings on this make up to invisible mess that you get your relationship tangled up into. And simultaneously, the attachment keeps growing too, and in time it just ends up hurting both people way more than it should’ve at the start.

Obviously, fun is the key. Like you said, sense of humor. Obviously, those things matter too. But try considering your relationship as a whole, since you’re at the position of growing emotionally attached with them.

(plus, i’m making a wild guess on the overthinking or past experiences. Is there something related to any of these two..?)

Anyway, I wish you luck on everything you do. Bless you

Apologies for anything that shouldn’t have been mentioned

Best Regards.

Javairia