fbpx
Menu

Getting Back Out There

Home→Forums→Relationships→Getting Back Out There

New Reply
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • November 23, 2019 at 11:57 am #324139
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jojo56:

    “Any thoughts on how I get back to a place where I can.. trust my own judgment again?”

    Let’s look at your current judgment of this man, your evaluation of him, that is: “He was a really good man”-

    – can it be that a good man goes to the grocery store with you, holding your hand, buying you flowers, then going with you to your house (where he has been living part time for 2.5 years while preparing his own house for sale), tells you that he doesn’t “want this anymore”, puts his things in his car, and  drives away?

    Or is it possible that he used you for a house to stay in, rent free perhaps, while preparing to sell his house?

    (I will soon be away from the computer for a few hours).

    anita

     

    November 23, 2019 at 1:45 pm #324147
    Jojo56
    Participant

    Apparently I have been looking at this from the wrong point of view. When I look at it from that angle he used me for more than a place to stay. Not rent free as he was generous in that way, but there were other perks to be sure. So he wasn’t the person I thought and was just using me till he was ready to move on to the next one. He clearly set up his next place to go before moving on.

    Why is it so hard to think badly of someone who you loved and trusted? And how to trust my own judgment again since I truly believed him to be a good man when clearly he wasn’t if he was using me?

    November 23, 2019 at 5:26 pm #324169
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jojo56:

    I would like to read and reply to your recent post (and anything you may want to add to it) tomorrow morning, about 13 hours from now.

    anita

    November 24, 2019 at 9:05 am #324233
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jojo56:

    “Why is it so hard to think badly of someone who you loved and trusted?”-because it hurts to be fully aware that our trust was betrayed. It felt so  good at the time, to believe a man is good and loving and we want to hold on to that good feeling, even after he is no longer there.

    “And how to  trust my own judgment again since I truly believe him to be a good man when clearly he wasn’t if he was using me?”- be willing to feel badly for a while, as you become aware of the fact that he did  use you. With that awareness and hurt, maybe anger as well, you will be mentally able to see the next man as he is, and not as you wish him to be.

    Does that make sense to you?

    anita

    November 24, 2019 at 9:41 am #324243
    Jojo56
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yes, that makes sense. I think what I need to realize is that my time for grieving this relationship is not over and I need to give it more time and be okay with the grief and the anger until I can accept it for what it is. And then look for a new relationship, not look for a new relationship to replace the one that is over physically, but not mentally for me.

    Thank you so much for your thoughts!

    November 24, 2019 at 9:44 am #324245
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jojo56:

    You are welcome. What you wrote in your recent post makes good sense to me. Post again anytime you would like to post. I will be glad to read from you and reply again.

    anita

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.

15 Things You Can’t Control (and What You Can Control Instead) + WorksheetAccess Now
Access Now