Dear Jennifer,

You were able to let go of your boyfriend before so why were you willing to reunite with him again? To be able to end a relationship means that you, in all your unconscious mind and heart, knew that the relationship was not going anywhere. So for you to contact an ex, something to never do again until you can just be friends, and then agree to try again when it’s only been a few weeks isn’t the best scenario for you. Why? Because you haven’t calmly went through your reasons for breaking up in the first place nor have you let yourself have the time to accept all the feelings that came with the end of the relationship. You haven’t sorted out anything, but already trying to enter another relationship is a recipe for disaster.

You need to think this through again. You need to think about why you broke up with your boyfriend in the first place and why you even contacted him again. You need to look at this relationship objectively, not with sentiments that will cloud your judgement. I understand you were lonely from ending a relationship, but contacting him was not the best action. Why did you not contact your friend(s) instead? You weren’t even fully on board when he asked to try again, so why did you say yes? Guilt? Remorse? What happened?

And your boyfriend did lie to you about the Tinder thing, but instead of apologizing, he turned the situation around to make it your fault that he did such a thing. That’s not okay. It’s not okay to blame you for his actions when he is the one who chose to do such things. He is the one in control of himself yet he is blaming you. Who would not be angry if someone did that to them?

Of course, you can’t control him nor can you really predict his actions just based on your assumptions of who he is so it’s best not to try. Humans are capable of anything so you need to let his actions speak for him because if he did something, then it meant that he had the intention to do it. After all, the brain needs to give command before the body can move so even if he tells you that his actions weren’t intentional, don’t believe him. He only need an impulse for his brain to command his body to move.

By the way, why are you putting up with that? Why are you putting up with someone who can only see his pain and not the pain of his partner? He might excused his behavior with ‘I would never hurt you like that’ yet his actions are the opposite of that. You don’t feel comfortable sharing things with him. You don’t even feel comfortable being vulnerable with him. Then what are you comfortable doing that he can support you in? Is he even supportive of you? And how physical is this relationship since it’s not all that emotionally safe, for you at least. So why him?

You have a lot of things to ask yourself, Jennifer, and I hope you’ll find the right answer for yourself. You might love him, but love does not justified that you suffer just because you love someone. You can love someone, but it doesn’t mean that you have to wish to have them in your life.

Good luck.