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Feeling Like a Fraud

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  • September 16, 2019 at 8:35 pm #312687
    Grenada
    Participant

    It just seems like you’re compulsing more than anything . I think if you can kind of calm your anxiety you will feel better.

    I can’t imagine a narcissist actually admitting to be one or being so self conscious …

    But all in all narcissist are just people who are really hurt and insecure . So, maybe if you dive deeper into the root of your behavior , you can begin to start truly feeling how you feel.

    September 17, 2019 at 8:12 am #312745
    Peter
    Participant

    I suspect that everyone at sometime in their lives feels this way. There is this idea in phycology called ‘persona’. A persona is a kind of mask we put on as we interact with other. Persona’s are not fake. While at work one would not put on the persona of Husband, Wife, Brother, Sister, Son, Daughter…  that would just be weird.

    When we first become aware that we have persona’s, masks, roles to play, its natural to wonder, oh I must be fake.

    In Buddhist teaching we are reminded that we are not our persona’s. we are not there role we take on, we are our emotions, we are not our thoughts…  It is however when we over identify with a specific persona, emotion, thought that we are not being real.

    For example, ‘I am a businessman’ Everything I see and do comes through perspective of the businessman. When I succeed in business, I’m good, when I fail, I’m bad. You can see how that is going to be problematic especially when the ‘businessman’ needs to relate to others as perhaps Father, Son, Lover, Friend…. The role of businessman is not fake. Its just not appropriate when relating to a partner.

    Anyway, you’re are a point where your noticing the various roles you have with the realization that you are not your roles. This is understandably uncomfortable, but not fake. It is through our roles and interactions with others that we learn about ourselves.

    My advice for what its worth is to pay attention, play a bit with the roles you take on, what fits, what doesn’t fit, what is helpful what is not.? Are you over identified by a role taken on? If so why?

    As you discover this thing that is you, be kind

    September 17, 2019 at 11:01 am #312787
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Nicky:

    You say sorry not because you are sorry (“I don’t actually feel sorry at all”), but because you are afraid (“so that I would be let off a bit more easily in situations where I get in trouble”).

    “I feel like nothing I say or do is genuine and that I’ve always been stuck in my head overthinking”- this  means that you life is focused on thinking, not on feeling, that your thinking brain is occupied but your heart is empty of your presence, so.. no wonder nothing you say or do feels emotionally genuine or authentic.

    “I think I try to appear shy, humble, or anxious but underneath it all, I’m selfish and manipulative”- you are focused on how you appear to others, “being fake-nice”,  because you want them to like you and you don’t want them to hurt you., to get “judged too much” by others.

    The real authentic you is a person who wants to be liked and who is afraid of being disapproved of. This is a real authentic part of all of us humans.

    Has anyone in your life- so far- consistently liked you and approved of you?

    anita

     

     

     

    September 21, 2019 at 10:52 pm #313509
    Nicky
    Participant

    Thank you so much for the replies, Grenada, Peter and Anita! I’ll keep in mind about calming the anxiety and accepting the personas. Maybe if I begin to accept the personas, I can tone down the feeling of anxiety that came along with them. Just like what Peter said, I’ll try to learn more about myself when analyzing how my own personas come into play in interactions with other people.

    For the last question of the last reply, I don’t think I show enough of myself in order for anybody to truly like and give approval of…. I think maybe some approve of me, but only the part that I show them…

    September 22, 2019 at 8:39 am #313547
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Nicky:

    I asked you: “Has anyone in your life- so far- consistently liked you and approved of you?”

    Your answer: “I don’t think I show enough of myself in order for anybody to truly like and give approval of… I think maybe some approve of me, but only the part that I show them”-

    -you must have observed babies and young children, and noticed how they don’t show only this or that part of themselves, they show  everything- nothing is hidden. Same is true for you when you were a baby and a young child.

    Someone disapproved of that young child and then he hid parts of himself.

    Who was that someone?

    anita

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