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I completely agree, I think I have mistaken ‘love’ and a ‘relationship’

I recently fell in love and thought that meant everything else in the relationship would fall into place…but my ex boyfriend broke up with me out of nowhere and then says I still love you..for me this concept is so hard to understand, why isnt love enough for him to make things work or  to want to be with me,

I was left wondering if it was all real, and just so incredibly hurt..now im just trying to let go and adjust myself and my life back to living without him…I often reflect back on the time we shared and see that maybe I tried to hold on too tightly and had placed too many conditions and attached too many outcomes to the relationship, so when he left me I was dissapointed that things had’nt gone the way i hoped…following the path of somebody else can be easier than my own sometimes i think.

“Love doesn’t translate into a relationship.”  I’ve been learning that one the hard way lately.  I’m involved (well, I guess you could say I’m involved) with a man whose partner passed away unexpectedly a year and a half ago.  I’d been single for a decade and was/am ready to settle down again.  He’s still in the “sowing wild oats” stage.  I know he cares for me but he told a mutual friend of ours that he wished I’d understand that he can care for more than one person at a time.  Monogamy has been what I’m most familiar with, and if this is heading in the direction of a polyamorous relationship, I’m not sure I’m completely on board with it…at least not yet.  So, I’m just going to enjoy what we have while we have it, and if the form of things changes, then I’ll adapt to the best of my ability.  The difficulty for me has been that love has always translated into a relationship.  Now I’m seeing that that isn’t always the case.

Hi Jeff,

It seems you and your partner may want very different things.   You’ve heard from a “mutual friend” what your partner wants out of your relationship, but you should ask your boyfriend directly.

Let me also recommend a great book with practical advice on how to determine whether you should try to stay and improve your relationship, or move on. It’s entitled  “The Four Factors” by Ron Gentile.  I truly believe this little book can provide you with some  valuable insights.

Wishing you all the best!