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I feel like a loser because I have no social life

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  • April 20, 2019 at 10:07 am #289945
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ariana:

    “I didn’t develop strong social skills, I didn’t learn how to interact with people without feeling so anxious about it”- in the context of this thread you have an opportunity to interact and over time feel less anxious about it.

    In your previous two threads you received replies from other members, included my own replies to you. But you didn’t get back to any member who posted to you, didn’t respond. One social skill is to respond, so why not practice this skill right here?

    anita

    April 22, 2019 at 6:13 pm #290187
    Lotus bleu
    Participant

    Everything takes time and practice.  When I was in my twenties, i had an alienating job talking to others on the phone and working in a cubicle.  My social skills suffered.  I became very lonely and felt very isolated because i lived in a large city without family.  After many years of this type of work, and increasing loneliness,  I took a job where I was forced to small-talk and socialize all day.  At first this was very difficult and awkward for me, and I was full of anxiety.  After awhile, I became more and more comfortable talking to others and not feeling self-conscious.

    Keep working at being in social situations.  Join a volunteer group or faith community.  Join a group where you have common interests with others.  Don’t give up on yourself.  So much of happiness and social skills are derived by a sense of self-confidence.  If you like you, others will like you too.  Easier said than done of course, but ask yourself how you can gain the confidence you need.  Loneliness is a difficult thing, and it can become worse if you feel shame about it, but remember that it is just a temporary feeling, and with lots of practice, and the right life-affirming environments, you will realize that loneliness can be overcome.  I also recommend reading any Pema Chodron books.  She makes you realize that none of us are truly alone, we are all connected if we are just able to see it.  Best of luck, and sending love.

    April 26, 2019 at 5:36 pm #291449
    Rose
    Participant

    That’s a really hard place to be in, and although you may feel lonely, you are not alone. We, the whole human race, are all lonely together. It just looks different for different people. It’s especially tough to feel like everyone else has it all together while you struggle. Know that it’s not every other person in the world who has a thriving social life, that’s very untrue, but we definitely tell ourselves that when we’re feeling lonely. Sometimes it has to do with the cards we’re dealt. I’m not sure what your life situation looks like right now, but if you wanted to do something more drastic, try something like working at a summer camp! When you’re placed in a specific community with a bunch of other people all working towards the same goal, you can’t help but make friends. Trust me. It will be scary to jump into something with much more social stimulation than you’re used to, but like Lotus bleu said, practice is the only way to feel more comfortable.

    Listen to Oprah Winfrey: Your Own Truth, on her SuperSoul conversations podcast. I think you’ll really enjoy it. You got this!!

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