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My close friends found new friends during my depression. How should I ha

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  • This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years ago by Lara.
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  • April 5, 2019 at 7:58 am #287671
    John Litton
    Participant

    If it helps, this happens to older adults too. I did much the same thing following a rather great tragedy. I became depressed, isolated, pushed people away at the exact moment I needed them most. Now with some distance, I see and understand what happened and I feel horrible about it.

    So, I set up my plan. I got on MEETUP.COM and found some meetup dinners and activities. I have new acquaintances, not friends yet, but some acquaintances. I like the outdoors so I now volunteer at an outdoor center, more acquaintances. I set a goal to run a half marathon, self improvement at 62. I began a spiritual quest, visiting ashrams, Buddhist Centers and churches, more acquaintances. I set another goal, to meet 100 new people by end of May. The rule of thumb is 10:1, meet 10, find 1 friend. I joined a biking club, more acquaintances. I keep up on my meds and began finding sites, like this with a community.

    It stinks at any age to start over. The trick is to do one thing then another and another but, it won’t get any better unless you become an active participant of your solution. Just keep trying and trying, and trying. You can do it if a 62 year old guy can do it.

    April 5, 2019 at 10:25 am #287779
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear JYK:

    I was diagnosed myself at one point, and for the duration of many years, with “major depressive disorder”. What I learned, looking back, is that original mental troubles that are not resolved grow over time to bigger and bigger troubles, like a ball of mud going down a hill, gathering more and more mud, growing bigger and bigger as it rolls down the hill.

    I figured certain troubles brought about your depression, and that depression grew to major depression. Most recently you lost a few friends, as a result  of your depression, and you feel badly about  that, so the ball of mud, so to speak grows bigger as you suffer the consequences of your depression.

    My advice is that you stop that ball from rolling down that hill, growing bigger. Make peace with your current diagnosis (it may very well change, I no longer fit the diagnosis, not for many years), accept that there are causes and consequences involved in it, attend psychotherapy so to examine the original troubles leading to your depression, and do your best to heal.

    anita

    April 9, 2019 at 10:22 am #288301
    Lara
    Participant

    Dear JYK,

    it sounds like you feel isolated right now, I am sorry, I know how that feels, especially in a class situation it sucks. Have you tried reconnecting with your friends again? E.g. when they stand together with their new friends, just join the group? Or invite one of them to hang out? Or are there other people in your class that might be potential friends?

    Are there clubs at your college you might join to meet new people?

     

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