Dear Lipsol:

Welcome back!

First, I suggest that you avoid any and all gossip in the workplace, that is, do not complain yourself to any one co worker about any other co worker, be it a manager or a receptionist or any other. No talking to  one co worker about another co  worker. When a co worker talks to you about another, do not participate by adding your thoughts about that talked about co worker. Instead, change the subject as soon as you can.

Second, avoid personal relationships with any of the co workers, be polite, diplomatic but don’t be anyone’s friend. Approach other co  workers, those you think are more positive, for lunch and such, don’t remain confined to the two women with whom you aligned yourself with.

Third, you noticed that there is gossip and complaining between co workers. This means that you are probably not the exception, there is some talk about you too. Don’t take it personally because I assume everyone is talked about by almost everyone. If being talked about meant being fired, no one will  be working there, correct?

So keep showing up, no gossiping yourself, not participating in gossip, and be polite but not anyone’s close friend.

anita

Dear Lipsol:

In a very practical sense interpersonal relationships in the workplace, between employee and employer,  a co worker and supervisor/ manager/ other co workers, between employee and customers, all these interpersonal relationships are significant part of a job. Lots of people quit jobs not because the particular assignment they were hired to do were too difficult, but because the interpersonal relationships were too difficult.

It is best when there is an effective manager in the workplace, one that checks on and manages the interpersonal relationships between employees, so that it is positive. But oftentimes there is no such manager, and if there is one in title, he or she is not effective.

When the latter is the case, as it is in yours, you are left to manage these interpersonal relationships yourself, you are on your own doing that. Therefore, what I would do if I was in your shoes, is to do what you suggested, to tell the co worker that wanted you to gossip that you are not going to, that it is your principle to not gossip in the workplace (and elsewhere, I hope). Say it assertively, that is, with confidence in your voice but not passively (ex., apologizing to her for not gossiping) and not aggressively (sounding or looking angry). Instead appear and sound confident and  smile, express kindness. Tell her that you hope she feels better soon.

*”Why do people get upset with you when you don’t relay information..?”- because like a kid who wants something (candy, a toy, anything), when an adult who is not mature and wise wants something, she gets upset when she doesn’t get what she wants, and she reacts angrily like a child would, ex. throwing a temper tantrum in the supermarket: But I want this candy now!

anita