Dear Amir:

I think that  if you continue your intimate relationship with her, anger at her is likely to join the emotions you have so far on the matter of her upcoming marriage: “loss, jealousy, pain, sadness” and anger. I think it is the  natural development of feelings when facing the ending of an intimate relationship. Perhaps you should end the relationship very soon, so  to keep the memory of the  six years you had with  her as that of “The absolute love of my life and  soulmate”.

Clearly the two of you respect the culture. There are people in the culture of arranged marriages that … supplement the culture with extra marital relationships, keeping prior relationships ongoing during the marriage, or acquiring supplementary relationships while married. This is not a consideration on your part or hers, is it?

anita

Hi Amir,

I wish you didn’t have to go through this.

There are a couple things you shared that would make a marriage with her very difficult: 1. She loves her parents very much and would never go against them but they would never accept you because you are older and have kids. 2. She’s not sure she can handle being a stepmom.

Both are biggies. You are older and have children. You can’t change either one of these things. The daydreams you’re having about your future with her are only fantasies. When you find yourself obsessing over the situation continue to tell yourself that if she chooses you, in time she may blame you for hurting her relationship with her parents and for her stepmom role. As painful as it will be, my advice is to break off this relationship now and focus as best you can on the reasons it won’t work.

B