Hello everyone,

I need some external advice.

I just got a 3 year position for my PhD in Oslo, Norway. Right now I live in Berlin, Germany, so it will probably require moving or at least being there from time to time (it’s actually quite flexible).

But my husband has a full-time job in Berlin which will probably become a permanent contract around April. Naturally, if we were to move, he has some concerns about security and stability after those 3 years. My field of study is not in high demand, to say the least, so his concerns are justified. He is a programmer, but I guess a stable job is a luxury nowadays, no matter what background. At least he tells me it’s not that easy to find an IT job, as everyone thinks.

However, this is such an amazing opportunity for me and one that could potentially help me have my desired career as a researcher. The colleagues from my current job (also research) are strongly encouraging me to take the job. Some of them are single and I have the feeling they don’t understand my feelings of not wanting to be anywhere without my husband. Also, I’m almost 30 and we decided recently we’re going to try to have children soon.

I love him and I don’t want to be without him anywhere longer than a week. but if I have to, I think we could survive a month apart. I also firmly believe that no job is worth sacrificing a relationship over, so my marriage takes priority.

I think I could find something to do with myself I we stayed in Berlin, but at the very thought of refusing the offer, I fell like crying. I love new countries, new languages and I’ve been living in Germany for 6 years now and I feel like I need a change. But I think my husband’s attitude to life is more down-to-earth and practical, whereas I want to say “let’s go”, pack and jump into whatever waits me there. That’s sort of how I moved to Germany, but I was single then. There is also an issue of leaving friends and family in Germany for a few years (his family, to be exact. My family lives in Poland and I see them max. 3 times per year anyway). We actually like living in Berlin and I wish there was a way to keep the flat in Berlin and travel between Oslo and Berlin, but unfortunately, we’re not super rich that we could afford it and our landlord doesn’t allow subletting.

So I need some sort of advice or thoughts or anything from outside. If you have any additional questions about this, I’d be glad to answer. Right now, I’m so stressed over this that I can’t actually the fact that I actually got the job, which is very annoying. Instead of feeling calm and happy, I’m a nervous wreck, so if you have any words of wisdom which could calm me down, please share them.

Thanks,

Joanna