Im a 19 Male, two weeks ago, after a long struggle of the ego (dealing with jealousy from a breakup/chained by what turned out to be inner voices of judgement towards self and others/and many more), i experienced an awakening. I was in a state where i came to an acceptance of the world and myself, and i never felt freer from all sins and pains that i, to my realisation, was doing to myself and to others. I felt in total control of myself and my emotions, my feelings, and an unwavering optimism towards the future, not one of assuming that nothing wrong will happen, but a place where i felt nothing could ever harm me realistically and spiritually. It was and will continue to be eternal bliss. Was previously a devout Grace Christian too, where i realised the effects of such love and forgiveness had on my spiritual health, and maybe that helped lighten my spiritual vibations and helped my love Chakra flow. The problem i have now is this. I came across my ex’s favourite shop she brought me on or first date (keep in mind this heartbreak was the driving force that pushed me to what later on would realise-to-be breaking of my emotional chains in every aspect of my life, it was the shock that turned my entire life around for the better as mentioned earlier. To elaborate the authencity of the awakening i experienced, i realised i never would have dated her in tbe first place (realising who i truely am spiritually, a person i never allowed myself to become for irrational reasons) and absolute was at peace with her. Heck felt happy for her for finding love somewhere else! And happy that she made the right choice dumping me for her sake haha!) and i was really happy how much ive woken up and was able to love and be at peace with everything to such extents! I wanted to honour my past and so i decided to write a poem which would encapsulate my feelings of the past as a way to, sort of giving it an “eternal voice to forever acknowledge and remember by” kind of thing, because i really did live through and love everything i felt that brought me here in the first place, it WAS so real. The motivation behind this was because i felt there was nothing wrong with the past to begin with, thats how at peace i was with everything of my life, and that only good things are to be forevermore. However, ironically by doing so, i accidently channeled the feelings and thought processes of the old, unknowingly (within a split seconds) chaining myself back onto these baggages and forgetting everything i had learnt! The worst part is that now I can no longer recall how i came about to this awakening, the spiritual lessons that came to peace with my heart and soul and helped me realise all these things. I can feel myself trapped because of my physiological memory and pain of the past, and that i currently have no connection to the spiritual side of things or even the very good nature side of things i had as a mortal that led me to being free before, no way of steering me back up to the path i was spiritually meant to walk on this earth. I feel like my consciousness is now forever stuck with being conscious in the flesh instead of he spiritual plane of consciousness and i am forever doomed till the end of my fleshly days inprisoned by my fleshly ways when i could have gone on and experienced so much more enriching spiritual experiences of pain and suffering but joy and happiness on a whole different much more furfilling spiritual level! What a waste of a reincarnation, especially one born with many gifts that help coexists its needs with the physical world! 🙁 Im currently deteriorating as the panic and lostness i feel robs my sleep, and to make matters worse i have even bigger demands placed upon me by my national conscription programme i have to furfill. Theres only so much the body can take without the spirit. This may be it for me! 🙁 And i never even has the chance to feel the authentic connection of the soul with anybody. I really need some way out of this! :’((( Any suggestions on what i could sound vagiely like what im going through?