Dear Peachy:

“skinny” used to be a negative comment, that is, people saying it meant it as an insult. But in these days when being overweight is more common than not, when obesity is called in some countries a “national epidemic”, when people use the word skinny, they may mean it as a positive comment, said out of jealousy and wishing that they themselves would be skinny.

Of a person is aware that you are trying to gain weight and then says to you that you are skinny, that is indeed a negative comment.

Regarding “some advice on how to respond to nasty comments in a conscious and mindful way”, I would first consider whether the intent behind the comments is indeed nasty.

Let’s say the intent is not nasty, in that case I would say to the person: I don’t like to hear that I am skinny, it makes me feel bad. Can you please not say it again? If the person agrees but uses the word again, I’d say: I asked you to not use that word again, why did you use it? If the answer is not satisfactory, dismissive of you, or if a person uses the word the third time, I say game is over, end contact with that person if possible.

If the person’s intent is nasty that first time he or she says it, then say: why are you trying to hurt my feelings, are you angry with me? If she says, no I am not, then ask: well, you know I am trying to gain weight, don’t you realize that when you tell me that I am skinny, you are causing me to feel bad? See how she or he answers, and take it from there.

If you have other specific examples of nasty comments, please add them in another post, and I will reply. I hope other members will reply as well.

anita