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Confused about love and and modern day dating.

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Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
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  • September 16, 2018 at 2:58 pm #225961
    Littlemisssunshine05
    Participant

    Hi,

    So you say you actually want a relationship with him? Then I think you should tell him you really enjoyed the time together and would actually like to date him if he didn’t have a gf. And since he does you think it’s unfair to yourself to keep in contact with him so you are not going to. I think there is no harm in saying that, it’s honest and shows no hard feelings.

    September 16, 2018 at 3:22 pm #225965
    coconut
    Participant

    Hello.

    You have no reason to feel bad because you like someone who is in a relationship, because you didn’t know that in the beginning, he didn’t tell you that. So you assumed he’s single since he did all of that and you liked him. It’s fine.

    But, now that you know that I think it’s your responsability to leave things as they are and not continue talking to him. Also, the fact that he has a girlfriend and still approached you, shows the kind of person he is.

    September 17, 2018 at 3:28 am #226019
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello!

    Thank you for replying.

    I didn’t mention this earlier, but in my old relationship, I went numb for those last few months, like I was there physically but never with him mentally/ emotionally. Though he was not my first relationship but he was my first love and it was difficult for me to leave him ultimately as things were not working out.

    Though mostly I was okay, I still missed my ex sometimes and it was after so long that I actually felt alive with this other person. I might sound dramatic, but I have never felt like this in any of my relationships before, that instant click. Our contact is not just limited to texting now, he has called me as well and it just feels totally effortless with him. Still, I have decided to leave things as it is and not to pursue him further.

    But I am feeling very conflicted, even though I know pursuing him will be a bad idea. There isn’t much I can do here. I don’t know that if I will ever get to feel like this again with someone else, which makes it kind of scary. My ex-boyfriend has already moved on and I am yet to find a decent guy for myself. I understand that obviously there is no competition between me and my ex on who settles first, but thinking of the future makes me feel sad and lonely.

     

    September 17, 2018 at 5:27 am #226023
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear BanI:

    What you have with this new man is a feeling. A strong, convincing feeling, but still, just a feeling. You want to “find a decent guy for (yourself) and settle down. Why not start a search for a decent guy? There is a way to go about such a search in a planned, sensible way.

    The aim of the search will be what you really want, a loving relationship with a decent man. The aim of re-experiencing a feeling is not a good aim. What if you felt this way about this man because you were lonely for too long, like a person hungry and coming across a freshly baked pizza? What if it was a combination of factors, the music, getting “a little drunk” and other factors that acted together to create that feeling?

    Clearly, he is not very decent because throughout the whole night he acted as if he did not have a girlfriend.

    I hope you post again with your thoughts and feelings.

    anita

    September 17, 2018 at 7:03 am #226031
    coconut
    Participant

    Hello again.

    From what you wrote in your last post I see that you want him more because of the feeling you have when you’re around him. You will experience that feeling again in the future just be patient and do the right thing.

    If I were you I would tell him I don’t want to continue talking to him because he is already in a relationship and it’s not right.

    Maybe you believe that because you feel that with him you must give in and just see what happens. But if you two will be together, in the future you might be in his now girlfriend’s shoes..

    Feelings come and go, after a few months or years this feeling you have now will be replaced by something more… stable… And you’ll be in the same situation, not feeling that rush from the beginning and maybe even get hurt because he is the kind of guy who talks to other girls even though he has a gf and for me at least, it’s not okay.

    You will find somebody else!!! Just be patient and stop talking to him.

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