Thanks, Anita for taking the time to respond, it does help. I just saw it on Facebook a couple of days ago so it did hit me for six really, it probably is for the best that I did see it though.  I do know that I’m taking much longer than I really should get over her, it’s just my nature really, and I am such an over-analyzer.

Relationships that are important to me mean so much and this one, despite only being a short-lived thing, really did mean a lot to me, I’ll be honest and say it was the first time I have truly been in love with someone. I think the way it all ended and how it came about did hit me for six, being love-bombed at the beginning probably didn’t help matters as did getting back together with her after I completely put myself out there telling her exactly how I felt about her.

I know she did give me many hints that to her it was just a fling that she wanted but alongside those was the overwhelming affection and attention she gave to me. It made me think that she did see me as more than that.

Also, some of the words she used made me feel she did want it to be more than that and that even though I knew she was messaging other guys that I had a chance to ‘win’ her so to speak as I felt she couldn’t decide between me and whoever else was on the scene.

I do think another reason I haven’t been able to move on from it as quickly as I’d like is the fact that I had no closure. Yes, I knew she was messaging others, but the way she abruptly ended it meant I didn’t fully know the reasons, all I had was my suspicions. There was always the wondering that she might not have met anyone or found out the grass wasn’t greener so might have reached out to me again. Seeing the photo of her with the new guy on holiday, I think it helps confirm my suspicions were all true, and she has moved on herself.

I do think she didn’t fully break up with him back in June when we got back together, or he did come back in that period. She strung me along in that time as perhaps she did really like me and didn’t want to let me go either. Her agenda that she wanted someone who was closer to her age and also had kids probably swung things in his favor in the end though. I guess what hurts now is not the fact that I am not with her, but the speed in which she was able to move on from me and seemingly get into a new and serious relationship with such ease and that is the likely reason she hasn’t reached out to me at all since ending it.

Of course, I want her and her kids to be happy, but I guess it also hurts that I meant so little to her and that our relationship was just a fling to her. I know it’s only Facebook, but it stung seeing her on holiday with him as she has moved this relationship on very quickly for him to not only have met her kids but going abroad with them too. One of the reasons she cooled things with me was that she told me her eldest daughter was having a hard time with the divorce and introducing them to a new man after only a few months may mean she lied to me about that and used it as an excuse.

I also wonder if the money factor came into play a bit too which is why she has sped this relationship along fairly quickly as the first thought that came to mind was that he was well off. I know that I wouldn’t have been able to offer her the kind of life that she had with her ex-husband financially. They were selling their six bedroom house for over a million and let’s say she lived an extremely upper-middle-class life. When I first met her, I was amazed she was with me considering the life she was used to money wise. The reason she ended things with her ex-husband was that the marriage became loveless and sexless.

She told me she was with him because of the life he was able to provide for her and her kids, but it wasn’t enough in the end. I wonder if she has fallen into the same trap of getting together with someone for the money side of it and that relationship will also go the same way. I often find successful, rich people are very career driven, and they neglect their relationships so when the honeymoon phase of this relationship wears off, he might too be that sort of guy. Not intending to sound wishful thinking with that, I genuinely care for her and hope it doesn’t go that way as I do want her to find someone who can make her happy.

My friends think that this also might be one of the reasons she has not reached out, that she was swayed by the money side and she might feel ashamed that she did choose the guy with money rather than personal values hence going completely no contact. Perhaps though this guy has been on the scene for longer anyway, hence she wasn’t worried about introducing her to her kids, for all I know he has been in the background for years and is the reason her marriage eventually ended. I guess these are things I’ll never know.

Through therapy I have also learnt about attachment types and I have an anxious attachment type which is why I was so triggered by the way she acted in the final month and why it’s taking me so long to move on. I also think she had an avoidant attachment type so when things get serious she withdraws. It would also explain why she is able to bury any feelings with such ease and bottle them away. Avoidant attachments also rarely reach out unless something happens that brings feelings back up, usually something stressful such as another relationship ending.

When I say truly in love. I have obviously been in relationships before but nothing that compared to this one.  Probably why it’s taking me so long to get over.  However perhaps the fact she came on so strong at the beginning was the reason for this.