Dear Char:

I read some of your shares in your previous threads. Nov 2013, you wrote: “I feel so superficial, false and unreal when I’m around other people- I don’t know what I am or what I stand for.. it’s like there’s so much anger, guilt and other negative feelings stuck inside of me! And I just keep building it up because I can’t express it”

It reads to me that when you were a child, in the context of your relationship with your parent/ parents, you had to close in a big part of yourself, to put away a lot of what you felt so to get along with them, so to be approved of. Only such a closing cannot be successful, as the feelings that are authentic do not go  away.

The feelings you repressed then, as a child, make it impossible for you to be authentic, to be true to yourself, to be aware of what you need and want, in relationships with men. This repeating experience of not knowing, of inauthenticity bring about anxiety.

The price you paid to have a “good” relationships with your parents is being a stranger to yourself, dishonest with yourself. Not because of an intention to be dishonest, with yourself and with others, but because of that closing-in, that putting a wall between your awareness and what really happened in your childhood, and what may still be happening in your relationship/s with a parent or parents at the present time.

What do you think?

anita