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struggling with teen daughter, need advice

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  • July 1, 2018 at 5:05 am #214897
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Rosie:

    It will be easy, and I believe inaccurate, to respond to your post with something like: oh, she is a teenager, all teenagers are  like this… she will grow out of it, etc.

    Her age has something to do with her state of mind and life, of course, but the nature of the trouble, whatever it is, in not a product of her age, but a product of the relationship itself, between you and her, I believe.

    You wrote that she criticizes you (being “SUPER critical of me”)  but the examples you gave she told you that she doesn’t want you to tap her shoulder or to hug her. Where is the criticism?

    Reads to me that she is angry with you and that is why she doesn’t want you to touch her and why otherwise she is not affectionate with you. Any ideas why she is angry?

    anita

    July 1, 2018 at 6:05 am #214919
    coconut
    Participant

    Hello. My opinion is that you should give her more space and leave her be, not expecting her to act a certain way just because you want that. I understand that she’s your daughter and want her to act nice. She loves you, she just isn’t affectionate. You are too observant to every word or gesture she does.. it’s not healthy for neither of you.

    July 6, 2018 at 7:53 pm #215739
    Rosie
    Participant

    you’re right anita that my example wasn’t of her criticizing me. and yes, she is angry. there are many reasons why.

    one of my friends also said to give her space so that’s what I’ve been doing. and working on not expecting anything from her.

    I don’t think either of us will be happy until she goes to college. until then, I hold my tongue and expect nothing from her. but it hurts. we used to have such fun together. and then she became a teenager.

    July 7, 2018 at 3:52 am #215759
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Rosie:

    Probably better if you find a way that the two of you can have an honest conversation, or a series of conversations. Maybe in the context of family therapy, if such is available to you. From your previous threads, you read like such a likeable, reasonable person and so very gracious, responding kindly to all those who posted on your threads. Reads like you have good social skills. Yet, a relationship with one own teenager daughter is a different ball game, isn’t it?

    But it is still doable, just more difficult. I do hope you have a series of honest conversations with her, that she will share with you her thoughts and feelings, and that however painful it may be for you, that you will be able to listen to her empathetically and respectfully and that progress can be made, healing can take place in the relationship.

    anita

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