Home→Forums→Relationships→Jealousy because of past things
- This topic has 10 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 6 months ago by
Anonymous.
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May 21, 2018 at 3:50 pm #208571
AnonymousInactiveHello everyone, i’m writing this to see see if someone can help me.
The thing is that when my boyfriend and i started dating, he told me some some things as a joke that i didnt like and they were related to my body. He told me that my ankles were ugly, that i have one boob bigger than the other one. I know these seems like a silly thing but i have very low self esteem and i kinda didnt like it. I told him like a mont or so ago, and he apologized and told me that those were jokes.
Anyways, i think he likes a famous woman and i absolutely hate her. I cant stand her because i think he thinks she’s perfect. Today i was joking about that woman and i sent him a picture of the woman’s ankle and asked him “ate her ankles ugly?” And he didnt even answer, he just got mad because he thinks i havent forgiven him.
The thing is i have forguven but if he told me those things i was expecting that he told those things about the other celebrity he likes.
Im mad because he saw flaws in me but cant critisize other women bwcause “he doesnt care about them”. Even if i asked him as a joke he couldnt say a bad thing about her. He has never ever said a bad word about her and i dont understand why he said those things about me but not about her. I have forgive him but i would feel better if he actually said some bad thibgs about her too just like he did about me.
May 22, 2018 at 4:30 am #208661
AireneParticipantHello Grace,
From your post, I read the following: Your boyfriend admires a celebrity and she can do no wrong. Your boyfriend made comments about some physical “flaws” (more about that in a minute) he sees in you. You were hurt by the comments, and irritated that he can’t criticize his celebrity crush for similar flaws (the ankles) or even criticize the celebrity crush at all. Is this an accurate read of your situation?
You mention you have very low self esteem. What causes you to feel this way? Is it because you only see the flaws in yourself, and not your strengths? Because we all have flaws and strengths. What we think, we become (this is a quote from Buddha, I think). If you are thinking all negative, you can change that around by focusing on your positive traits and attributes. And when you think positively about yourself, the comments that your boyfriend or anyone else makes won’t affect you so deeply because you know who you are.
It was insensitive of your boyfriend to point out your flaws to you, even in a joking way, and I can understand how that would be hurtful. You talked to him about it, and he apologized. If you want to move past this, you need to figure out a way to forgive him and let it go. Does he compliment you in other ways? Does he point out positive things to you about yourself? Be careful, though. You can’t let your boyfriend be the source for measuring your self-worth. That needs to come from within you.
Airene
May 22, 2018 at 4:46 am #208669AnonymousInactiveHello and thank you for answering.
Yes i am irritated because he told some jokes about me but he cant do the same with that celebrity and honestly it hurts me because it seems like she has no flaws.
He also compliments me lots of times (he tells me im the prettiest girl in the world and all that stuff) but i dont believe him because i think im not his type. Im very thin and barely has a butt and because of the models he follows on instagram i dont think im his type.
I know the issue and the problem is mine because i have very low self esteem, and also aecause he made those jokes about some flaws i dont think he sees me as the prettiest girl in the world.
Why cant he say anything bad about the velebrity but he can maje jokes about me?
May 22, 2018 at 5:12 am #208677AireneParticipantHello Grace,
You say you don’t believe your boyfriend when he tells you that you are the prettiest girl in the world, because you don’t think you are his type. I am wondering….is he YOUR type?
It also seems that your self-worth is wrapped up in a great deal of your perception of your physical appearance. Looks fade, and we all change. I would encourage you to begin focusing on deeper aspects of yourself beyond the physical.
Airene
May 22, 2018 at 5:33 am #208679AnonymousInactiveI do think my boyfriend is my type. He is gorgeous and super cute, and blonde like i always liked guys.
Its just i dont think the good things i have that honestly are little are enough for him even though he always tells me he loves me im afraid im.not good enough.
Thanks for answering again 🙂
May 22, 2018 at 5:39 am #208681AireneParticipantHello Grace,
You’re welcome. As you probably already know, relationships usually begin with a physical attraction. How long have you been dating your boyfriend?
Airene
May 22, 2018 at 8:06 am #208651
PatrikParticipantHi Grace,
I don’t think your boyfriend’s jokes are funny and honestly I don’t think what he said were jokes but he probably doesn’t really know why he said what he said.
Close relationships bring out our weaknesses and sides we didn’t know we had and sides we we are not able to admit for ourselves.
I get a feeling that you have not told your boyfriend about all the things you tell here in the forum. I think it is always good to fully express how you feel about something in a relationship, regardless of how your boyfriend reacts.
Perhaps you want to look for yourself why you want your boyfriend to say something bad about someone else? Do you know why it will make you better? Do you feel you have to compete with the other woman?
I hope this is helpful.
Best wishes.
May 22, 2018 at 9:57 am #208767AnonymousGuestDear Grace:
Too bad he criticized your body. Unfortunately for him and for you, he can’t unsay what he said. Criticism like that sticks to the brain like hair on soap. I think the two of you should figure out a way for him to pay restitution to you (not necessarily financial, but maybe financial) for this relationship-crime that he committed against you. Some significant restitution!
anita
May 22, 2018 at 3:11 pm #208849AnonymousInactiveHello Patrik. The jokes were at the beginning of the relationship, and in his defense i must say he didnt know i have such low self esteem. In fact i didnt told him until we were like 5 months together because i didnt want him to think im a crazy ass jealous person.
We have talked about this issue of mine several times and he knows it and stopped telling me those jokes.
Anyways i dont understand why he told me that but cant say anything bad about that celebrity.
Thank you for helping me!
May 22, 2018 at 3:13 pm #208851AnonymousInactiveThank you anita! I will try to tell him this, even though we’ve talked about this and i think the only way i could forget this is if he talked trash about that celebruty and is not going to happen
May 23, 2018 at 6:10 am #208931AnonymousGuestDear Grace:
His kind of past jokes are not offensive because a woman on the receiving end of these has a low self esteem. They are offensive because … they are offensive. When a man says these things to a woman he is either trying to hurt her or he is not paying attention to what he is saying, not considering the consequences of what he is saying.
About the celebrity, he refuses to acknowledge anything unattractive about her body, that is what bothers you, correct?
Why do you think he refuses to say: yes, her (whatever) is not perfect?
anita
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