Hi everyone,

I want to share my long story (sorry if it’s too long) and hope someone can help me.

Me and my partner for 7 years recently cut contact. We met in college and started dating, we both have different religion so from the start I view this relationship just for fun, nothing serious. Well, I fell hard for this guy and we end up dating for 7 years (4 years long distance and the last 2 years with ‘no status’). He’s a great and loving guy, has been by my side when I went through some dark times. Yet, because of our different religion I know that it won’t end in marriage, so every time the topic came up I always brushed it off and we don’t mention it at all. At that time I also thought that he’s not really a husband material.

During our no status phase, we both tried online dating but never got far with anybody. The last time he came to my country to see me, I wasn’t in contact with any guy, he tried to fix our status but I refused. I told him that it won’t work out, and we are better like this, with no status as boyfriend and girlfriend even though we acted like one. I think I really push him over the edge at that time. When he got back to his country, everything is still fine, we chat with each other all the time and always video call every night. Until one day I can feel him pulling back, I asked if he got another girl, he said no, but someone is interested in him. I feel paranoid, and I panicked when he didn’t text me back right away (which i never do). Maybe because I can feel him slowly slipping from me. But even then we still contact each other even though it’s getting less intense.

After a week, I called him and told him, if he want a serious relationship with me, then I’m on board. I told him that I was blind all this time thinking that we won’t be able to do this because I never trust him or myself that we can get through it. I told him that I still love him so much and I regret that it took me this long to realize. I now believe that we can do it if we do this together. After I say all that, he told me that he was confused, he felt that I already torn him and he needs time to think about this, and to go away. He said, ‘i don’t know if this is good bye or see you later.’ I told him, whatever the result is, please tell me. And then we both hang up. We haven’t contacted each other since then. It was friday last week.

At first I feel relieved, maybe because it was me last time who try to break the connection but I was always too weak, and this time it’s him. But then, my anxiety starts to kick in. What if I don’t find another guy like him who understands me and comfortable with? I have history with depression and he was there to support me. And then, it down spiralled from there, I start to question my self worth, it spread to all aspect of my life, from how i’m not independent and useless. I feel depression slowly creeping in.

I know that I should give him time to think, but I don’t know for how long? Is a month enough time to give him space? I REALLY really don’t want to lose him because I love him and we are so strong when I think about it. but I’m prepared for whatever his answer will be.

I also think that if he decided to leave me for good. Then I will be single forever. I feel like in my country guy my age (27-28) is mostly married or already have gf. Also, I’m introvert, From the time I was still in school it took me a long time to find someone I can be comfortable with. I’m losing hope with everything.

Can somebody please help me? I’m tired of my own thoughts, it’s tiring to overthink everything.