Hi Anita.

Hope you are well.

I thought A lot of things but I honestly keep going in circles. Some days I believe he never really wanted to commit to me and other days I feel that maybe it was pressure.

But what you said about it being his core belief, I can agree with you on that. But it never crossed my mind before.

He spoke about other women trying to get his attention and not succeeding because he believed that they were after his money.

I never cared for all that. All I wanted was someone to share my life with and enjoy the little things such as laying in ones arms whilst watching our favourite movie… sitting at the beach… Praying together.

If it is his core belief, there isn’t any chance of us having a relationship is there. It would just start the same cycle.

Good evening Anita.

I know that he loves and respects his family very much. When I observed how he interacted with them at family prayers and special holidays, he always kept himself busy and whenever anyone needed anything, they will always go to him.

He was always there whenever they needed him. Whenever we made plans and if his family needed him, they were priority and I didn’t mind because he was the only son living with them and he was the only driver.

His parents are very old fashioned and with us having a 10 year age gap, his thinking was very alike and I liked it.

But what I noticed was that he didn’t allow them to physically touch him, not even his mother. He kept to himself.

Hi Anita.

Hope you are having a good start to the weekend.

When we started planning the wedding, I told my ex not to get the families involved. I know how my family is and me being the only daughter, they would want it to be big and a little extravagant. We should be able to have had the wedding we wanted. But he started discussing the planning with my family. His family not once came over or phoned us to discuss anything. We settled on a venue and everything was okay. But then he mentioned he wanted to change it and then everything was settled for a different venue. A month before the wedding, a Saturday morning his dad phoned and spoke to my mother, and told her that his other son’s told him that if the wedding was going to take place there,  They won’t attend. His sister in law said that she will tell the guests not to wear jewellery because the venue was not a safe place. My family and I felt very offended because we are from the area. We have been staying here since my parents got married and how dare they say things like that . His dad wanted confirmation the same time, because the cards were going to print on that day.

I phoned his dad early the next day and spoke to him. I tried to explain the situation. And he his response was that if my family won’t stand with me, he will. And after baring kids, my family will be happy and I was confused until I understood what he meant. He was under the impression that my family won’t come to the wedding and I’d be alone.

My mum is a single parent. My dad dies 10 years ago. A once of major heart attack took his life. I wasn’t going to get married without my rock by my side. My family may be a crazy one but they have always had my back.

I was upset. Because if his family had been involved and told from the beginning how everything was being planned, this would have been resolved.

Our family had a lot of deaths from 2016- 2017 so it stressed everyone. All the problems that we previously had came to a boiling point and my mother couldn’t handle it. My aunt came over the next day and they had a meeting and they were upset. And I couldn’t blame them. I was hoping that things would have cooled down over a night’s sleep but I was mistaken. My mum suggested we cancel everything. Then she suggested we wait another year to get married. My brother was upset too and pin pointed a lot of things he found wrong in my relationship. Things he kept in for so long.

I told my ex that Monday what they had to say. How they felt and asked him to please stand with me to which he utterly threw back in my face. He deemed my families views as my own.

That same week on Wednesday, I phoned him and I asked how he was doing. He told me his father told him something that brought him down to his knees. His dad told him that I was not straight forward. I literally felt my heart stop. I was so shocked and so hurt. I felt my heart broke at that point. I felt that in that moment, I lost my father for the second time.

ur conversations after consisted of me being quiet and him lashing his anger out on me. I took it quietly. Hoping and praying he would calm down. But only after he had broken up with me did he seem more relaxed.

Sex well wasn’t really an important factor in our relationship. He had previous encounters but that never bothered me. As long he was faithful to me We wanted to do it but never really bothered to. Eventually we decided that we will leave it for honeymoon.

Our sexual thinking is much on the crazy side so I doubt that it would have been anything religious .

Hi Anita

I apologise for the delayed response.

One day my family was sat in the lounge with my ex. We were discussing the wedding and my mother had said something about what she didn’t agree with but still went along with considering that’s what my ex wanted. And he was shocked because I didn’t inform him about it. He was really upset and he wanted a promise that whenever my family is unhappy about anything, I will tell him what they have to say. And I promised him that and I kept to it by telling him what they had to say.

I do not see anything wrong in telling him what they had to say. I could have lied and told him that they are okay and we can go along with everything. And at another sit down, if certain things are said, he was going to look at me as a liar and I did not want that.

My brother pointed out things, things that I was aware of, things that I understood. They assumed I was blind and being manipulated. When I tried to explain to my family, they shut me down and said that I was only making excuses for him which was not the case.

My family isn’t perfect. There’s good days and there are really bad days. Everyone has their own personality. So my ex’s reaction and behaviour, I accepted it as him being different. I accepted his flaws and loved him as a whole. He made efforts for me. Efforts such as being more talkative amongst my family, when it came to his family, he shouldn’t hug them but when it came to my family, he hugged them. He was a reserved man and I know doing that, must have taken a lot.