Dear J:
My suggestion is that you consider not “how to be more patient” with your mother but that you limit or eliminate the situations with her that distress you. In other words, do not stay on the phone with her long or don’t get on the phone with her at all.
It is very, very difficult to be patient when angry, and we can’t help but feel anger when we don’t want to be in someone’s presence but feel like we-have-to.
Maybe we don’t have to…
anita