So a few weeks ago he brought up that he could talk to his manager and ask if they were hiring so that i could apply. This was right after I lost the job ( that I really loved) So I just told him that “That’s a really good idea and i really appreciate you trying to help I’m just not sure if that would be somewhere I would want to work right now” and he said “I should just stop trying to help because I can’t help or make you feel better” and then didn’t respond for an hour or so. and then started saying how ” I should just break up with him because he’s just shitty and can’t make me happy so I probably just want to break up with him, etc.” I asked him if that is what he wants and he said “no not at all. i guess I’m just convincing myself that you do.” Just things like that, both of us overreacting and letting our insecurities get in the way. But again, we resolved it, at least i thought. but maybe to him we didn’t? because he still thought he just couldn’t make me happy or feel better

I didn’t overreact in this case. I think what would happen was he was just making a problem out of nothing, and then I would get kind of frustrated. Or I felt like instead of focusing on the main problem, or the thing I was upset about, he would turn it in to “ oh I’m just the worst” which made it hard to really get all of my feelings out there.

Maybe a better example would be about a week ago he was hanging out with one of his friends that he hasn’t seen in a while. I told him that I would text him later to let him have time to just hang out with that friend. And he got upset because he thought I was saying I just wanted him to leave me alone, which is been a problem in the past. Because I have said oh I’ll just leave you alone when I felt like I was interrupting something he was doing. But I texted him back saying that’s not what I meant and that’s not what I wanted, but he continued to just ignore me for a few hours. When he finally responded I told him I was upset that he didn’t text me back or at least acknowledge the fact that I told him I didn’t want him to just leave me alone. He then got defensive saying that whenever I said that, he was hard for him to understand what I actually wanted. To which again I said, but I texted you saying I didn’t mean I wanted you to leave me alone.  So just stupid little stuff like that. None of our arguments, or whatever I should call them, we’re over anything big or serious.

I also wanted to add something about when we would argue/ when i would be upset about something. Whenever I would get upset about something, even if it wasn’t a huge deal, he would as I said go straight to just blaming himself and say he is the worst. but he would also often times hit himself in the head, really hard, over and over. I know this is not healthy. And i am so upset at myself for not telling someone about this – but i didn’t know what to do i guess. But anyways, he would do that, sometimes hit the wall or throw things ( not at me) and would lock himself in another room where I could not get to him. At one point ( I don’t remember what the problem was) he began to hold his breath for long periods of time, to the point where it seemed he would be close to passing out. All of this happened when me, or someone else in his life, was upset at him. Even as I’m writing this i’m feeling so horrible about not letting someone know this was happening, because i know how unhealthy it is that he is doing this. but i felt it might explain the situation more, so I wanted to mention that.

I think when I would say this in the past it would be coming from a place of me being insecure that I SHOULD leave him alone, because he’s doing something else, or hanging out with someone else, and I don’t want to interrupt. It was also maybe a way to get reassurance that he did want to talk to me. which is dumb, because i should’ve know he did if he was talking to me, But in this case I truly did just mean what i said, which i explained to him, But i can see how it would be confusing for him.

Thank you so much for responding to this, I really appreciate it!