I am the other end of your situation.
My best friend, she’s going through depression. In the other hand, I’ve had anxiety. She has tried to cut off our relationship more than a hundred times over a year and I have expressed my raw emotions with that, but understandaby such occurences still continue and I can’t help but feel a little disappointed and insecure myself although I’ve grown to be more adept to it.

Seeing your post was an eye opener. I got to see what was on the other side.

There were a few times I had nearly given up on her. I felt utterly guilty for those times, when I lashed out and even begin the thought of letting her go. Even if she had ‘given up’ on me more than I had. Well, I am definitely not as strong as your benevolent partner – that’s for sure.

I just wished she knew that I’ll be there with her all the way. I just want her to give herself some time even if she leaves me for a bit. I know she never meant for me to leave. I knew she never meant to be a burden. I just need her to love herself for me, because I love her very much.

I need her to be here for herself, with me.

Please, don’t be afraid to give yourself that time or care. Please, don’t be afraid to clarify with us and ask for our help. I know you need assurance in every action. Let us be here for you.

We love you because we saw you fighting with your inner monsters. We’r mesmerised by the way you move. Don’t let us stop you. Continue. You are not a burden, or a dead weight. You are strong, powerful in the battlefield that you have so trustingly shown to some of us. We believe in you.

We don’t expect you to immediately change for the better. We are very well aware that we are not the antidotes to the disease in your mind. Because we are struggling too, and we trust you with ourselves. We’re in this together.

Don’t keep the fears you have inside. They will not be cast away until they are told and torn off. Be the burden. Then see it become lighter as you walk with it.

Please don’t regret. Walk with us. You are not abusive, do not believe that you are. You are not a lie.

Please, take care of yourself. If you feel like walking out again, talk to us. Give us a hug. We are grateful to have you.

My sincerest apologies if my post was quite self-centred and personal.

Dear norit:

I am fine, thank you. And you are welcome.

Sure we affect each other, as social animals it happens this way: when your boyfriend is sad, it causes you some distress and vice versa. What affects me more intensely is when someone near me is angry. That distresses me. On the other hand, if a person near me is calm and pleasant, oh, how helpful it is for me, how much better I feel. It helps me to feel calm myself.

From what you shared, he was indeed abused by others. Not by you. With the backgrounds of the two of you, I would say, make sure neither one of you harms the other, and if you suspect that you are harming him, ask him, check with him, as you have done, and when he tells you that you didn’t harm him, believe him.

If you trust each other to tell the truth, then you don’t have to torture yourself wondering if you harmed him or abused him. Ask and believe him when he tells you that you did not harm him.

It can help to reduce your stress with him if you cut short the time you spend with him. Or if you talk less during any one time. Take on… a temporary vow of silence, a no talk break when the two of you hold each other, relaxing in each other’s arms.

When you write that he “sees himself rotten to the core”- what do you mean, or better, what does he mean by it.. how does he behave as a result of this belief about himself?

anita