Dear linevty0:

My advice:

1. Stop sharing this particular “Self image and Comparisons” issue with your wife. All her input made no difference to you, did not resolve the issue for you whatsoever. Better to not keep doing what has produced zero results for you. Also, this is probably tiring for her, or soon will be, not a good idea overall. So when the thoughts appear in your mind, and you feel compelled to ask once again, to talk to your wife about it- don’t.

2. You wrote that you are over your ex wife cheating on you. In some ways maybe you are over it, but not entirely. This preoccupation with your looks, comparing your look to other guys started after that cheating. Your ex wife injured you emotionally when she cheated you. This preoccupation or obsession is the result of this injury.

As in any other injury, healing needs to be done. Perhaps a few sessions with a quality psychotherapist will help you heal.

* I am wondering, your ex wife cheating on you, why did she… did it have anything to do with physical appearance. Did you make comparisons then, comparing yourself and the man or men she cheated with?

anita

Dear linevty0:

I read your posts on your other thread as well as here. The fear of not being handsome enough or good enough in this way or that way probably started in childhood, as it is very common. Then triggered following your ex wife cheating on you. Fear when it is ongoing is termed anxiety. It sorts of circulates in the brain and goes on the Comparison Ride. Feeling a bit better when you are better than others, worse when you figure you are less than others. Up and down, so goes the ride.

The solution, easier said than done, of course, is to get off the ride. It is about somehow being okay with who you are. And it is about getting engaged, or involved with living in such a way that your self image is not all that you see. You already see your current wife fears. Everyone has fears, anxiety. In other words, you have company, a lot of company. I am in that company you have.

I hope you post again with your thoughts and feelings.

anita