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Don't feel a sense of belonging at work

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  • January 23, 2018 at 9:32 am #188263
    Stella
    Participant

    I feel like I don’t belong at work or share the same values as my colleagues. Im also not enjoying the type of work I’m doing – it’s more task/admin based and I’m not able to get into a ‘flow’ which is what makes me feel fulfilled at work.
    Ive been feel really down because I don’t have friends at work and it’s also affecting how I feel outside of work. I’ve tried lot of jobs from a fast food outlet to a corporate law firm (current job) so I know that the most important thing about a job to me is having friends, not the job itself. I also feel so stressed and rushed all day that I don’t have time to try harder to make friends
    I’ve only been there for 5 months, do you think changing jobs will make me happier or should I suck it up and stop getting so emotional?

    January 23, 2018 at 11:12 am #188305
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Stella:

    I don’t think you should “suck it up”- you are clear about what you value: friends at work, friendly interactions at the least, correct? Not having what you highly value at your current job for five months is affecting you negatively. So yes, I think you should find a different job that will satisfy what you value most. Your co workers, if they are satisfied in their jobs may value more other things, have different goals in their lives. .

    Best that you fit your life, including your job to your values, to what motivates you and gets you into that flow you mentioned (not to  others’ values  and motivations).

    anita

    January 23, 2018 at 10:58 pm #188467
    Stella
    Participant

    Thanks so much for your reply
    Friends are friendly interactions is definitely what I value most. There are some nice people at work who I don’t work with directly, but being in such a busy workplace means it’s hard to find time to stop and chat. It is also a hot desk office, where you have to more around to a new seat everyday
    Every other workplace I’ve been, I had at least a couple of close people I’d talk with regularly and go out to lunch with. But don’t have that here and my direct manager is very work focussed and anytime I try to share something personal she often belittles me for my choices and values eg being vegetarian / where I live. She has also been yelling my name across the office when she wants me to come to her desk which is embarrassing cause others can hear and it shows she doesn’t respect me.
    I think I’m mostly afraid to keep changing jobs as I’ve had 3 different jobs the past two years. I left the other jobs for different reasons, but it’s still very hard to explain this when asked in interviews.
    I also feel like I’d be quitting instead of trying to improve my current situation. What do you think?

    January 24, 2018 at 6:12 am #188527
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Stella:

    A couple of things.

    One I am not sure about and hope you will find out if I am correct: I think that the problem for a potential employer looking at a resume of a potential employee is not the frequent changes of jobs (it is the nature of the modern job market that people change jobs, unlike in the past when the norm was a person spending a life time in one job), but the gaps of unemployment in between jobs that is the problem. A long gap in between jobs, or frequent gaps turn employers off. Again, I hope you check this out.

    Two, I think it is fine (and would be fine with me if I was an employer, which I am not) that you are discovering through experience, what you value in the workplace- and therefore what you excel at. You value friendships, communicating, chatting.. that works in certain jobs, a plus but not in others. So it would be okay with me if you quit a job that is not a good fit for you.

    Another thing, Three, I suppose: if you stay at a job you dislike, having a boss yell your name disrespectfully, being unhappy in this job, that will harm your mental health, which… may bring about that gap in employment. Better change jobs while you are well, not yet too distressed by a long, long struggle to survive a distressing to you job.

    anita

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