Hi Anita 🙂

I am from the city. I am a black man whose apart of the LGBTQ community. I have dealt with that squared that away and feel good about that, however, their are some personal familiar issues that are play a long role in my make up. Being adopted one of them. Family religious beliefs. Things that I have moved on from and are feeling better about.

I’m grateful for the expereince of being broken hearted I suppose because I had to grow. I had to feel somethings, though I’d be grateful for closure with him more. I’m rational, real, don’t ask for much if I even ask at all. I just want to move on from this because I feel like I’m stuck on someone I never dated and I can’t really live my life, and or be myself without reminders of him, and or how he made me feel.

I’m stuck on how the situation made me feel.  If I were to get closure, I’d not romanticize it. I never did. I’d move on like I already have. I’m so optimistic to a fault about the good in people and how sometimes I need to just feel alive, when I spent so many years hiding all the parts of me. I’m mad at myself for sitting here. Giving advice and helping others, when I can’t even help myself. Starting to feel a little mad and a tad bit crazy.

Like that I can finally make a choice or that I for once, have felt what so many others have felt. That someone on this earth liked me too. Or sought to get to know me with kind eyes and an open heart. Not to consume me or use me. He did that, as a friend. Normally, I fix people, alleviate them with the power given to me. He made me softer, gentler, and even more optimistic.

To feel alive in the context of a relationship is important because it gives me new feelings to experiment with. Things to work through to go thru.

& now at the end of it all, I’m licking my wounds, wondering what happened.

Why can’t I shake him? why won’t he give me closure?

Am I wrong for expecting closure from him? When he can’t even stomach talking to me.

I don’t know why I feel this way nor what I did, but not getting closure or communicating anything is making me angry lately, trouble sleeping, change in appetite, loss of libido, manic and sad.