Afraid I'll get "the call" about my drug addicted brother

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This topic has 8 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 10 months ago by Eliana.

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December 21, 2017 at 2:36 pm #183225

dreaming715
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Hello, I always feel like this was a safe place to talk to like-minded individuals. My little brother is 23-years-old. He has been depressed, addicted to heroin for several years, and currently in jail for drug-related charges. He has successfully survived two drug over-doses and three non-drug related suicide attempts.

We grew-up very close and he tells me he wants to live, but his depression is severe and to be honest he doesn’t take prescribed medication regularly and has missed multiple counseling appointments.

I realize that he has to want to do these things to get better and I can’t do it for him. I always remain in contact with him, I don’t judge him, I speak kindly too him, I encourage him, and I’ve provided him with as many resources as possible (sending him sober living home applications, etc…).

I’m sad because I’m visiting my home town which is several hours away where he’s currently in jail and one of his visitation days was on Christmas Eve. I was really excited because I was going to visit him… and then he got into a fight with another inmate and lost his visitation privileges. So now I won’t be able to see him and it breaks my heart.

I know there’s really nothing I can do. I just feel helpless. I also feel like all of the effort I put in to helping him doesn’t work and then I wonder if I should be putting as much energy into it. I don’t want to “give up” on him though.

Also, I apologize for sharing this grim thought, but I’ve had SO many days getting phone calls about my brother and thinking, “Is this the call? Are they going to tell me he didn’t make it this time?” How can someone cope with that?

Thank you for reading.

December 21, 2017 at 5:47 pm #183229

Kevin Mahoney
Participant

Sorry to hear about your bother. Seeing a loved one battle addiction is awful. Try to take care of yourself as you reach out to help your brother. Like on an airplane, you need to put on your oxygen mask before you help others to do the same.

I am not sure if you are a person of faith but there are principles in the Serenity Prayer that you might find informative, faith or none. It applies well to anyone who has to accept what they can’t control while still trying to make a positive contribution.

“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.”

Good luck.

December 22, 2017 at 4:50 am #183257

Anonymous
Guest

Dear dreaming715:

I hope your brother survives his jail experience, that he gets out and gets into a drug abstinence program, commit to it, and make a better life for himself. At twenty eight, five years from now, he can be in a much better place and I hope he will be.

What you invested in him so far, your time, energy… with little to no return on investment, stop investing those things that didn’t yield a return. If you can handle continuing contact with him, continue to express empathy for him, let him know yet again, that you are available to help any way you can if he asks you, if he asks you for something specific. But he will have to ask you.

I hope he learns that he can persevere, as he has in life, surviving it, but do more than surviving, that he can heal, so that there is something to look forward to.

anita

January 5, 2018 at 4:44 pm #185287

dreaming715
Participant

Thank you all so much. <3

January 6, 2018 at 7:12 am #185339

Anonymous
Guest

Dear dreaming715:

You are welcome. Good reading from you anytime.

anita

January 8, 2018 at 3:17 pm #185681

Rose
Participant

Did you tell him that you need him in your life? I would. In your place, I would keep telling him that I desperately need him in my life, that he is irreplaceable, that you have future to share together, that you cant imagine your old days without him. I would try to plant hope in him, and I would try to give him the reason to exist. I would really try to push every boundary to save my brother life. In some small or ordinary things. Try to make him feel needed! Try to make him do something specific for you, try to make him read something, some comics or books, and share it with you, try to make him learn together some foreign language or something you think you can share together, something to help you with it. Try to make some plans that you can do with him. We, weak ones, need even small reasons to exist.

January 14, 2018 at 7:54 pm #186635

dreaming715
Participant

Hi Rose! Thanks for your comment/questions. Yes, I have told him I need him in my life. I said I want him by my side at my wedding someday and if I have kids in the future I want them to meet him and for him to be in their lives (he’s amazing with little kids- like nieces or nephews, he’s always very patient and loving to them).

January 15, 2018 at 3:44 pm #186905

Eliana
Participant

Hi Dreaming715,

I was just thinking of you, and your brother and seeing how he is doing and how you are doing. I hope things are getting better. My thoughts are with you. Let us know how you are if you would like. x

January 15, 2018 at 3:47 pm #186907

Eliana
Participant

Hi Dreaming715,

When I wrote the above post, I did not see the post you wrote back to Rose. I’m so sorry. It’s so cold here. My brain must be frozen or something..lol. I am glad to hear you have been corresponding with your brother, and that he will be at your wedding someday. x
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