Dear chaosed:

Sometimes things are simple, not complicated and this is  the simple way I see what you described: it  is similar to me stubbing my toe against a table leg the other day- it  hurt. Immediately and automatically I felt angry, at the  table leg, or at any person around  me. It happens every time: I stub my toe, feel pain, get  angry.

I say to myself: how ridiculous, the table is not responsible for my pain and it  is not the person around me that is responsible- but I get angry at  it  or at the  person every time.

I think it is automatic, that when we feel an unexpected  pain, we immediately feel angry. And so it  is with you- you experience internal pain, as  a result of a thought you have or just a feeling of hurt/pain that has  nothing to do with your boyfriend, and you automatically get angry at him … because he is there.

The answer is self discipline. The answer cannot be in not feeling angry- that is automatic, but in practicing reasonable control over your behavior when you feel angry. It  is about taking a moment to think and  then acting or reacting thoughtfully, following the thinking. This instead  of reacting automatically to the feeling.

The  feeling is automatic, we can’t control it. The  behavior is subject to control, discipline, the  change that you are looking for.

anita