Having a professional therapist to talk to can be a great help in untangling one’s thoughts and emotions. It sounds like you’re in a place where your open to that and ready to do the work to help you move forward. Trust your intuition.

Your post reminded me of a book I read long ago – ‘Learning to Fall: The Blessings of an Imperfect Life by Philip Simmons’

“From our first faltering steps, we may fall into disappointment or grief, fall into or out of love, fall from youth or health. And though we have little choice as to the timing or means of our descent, we may, fall with grace, to grace.”

I believe that to be a truth. The moment we are born we are falling. We can fall arms and legs flailing around in fear and panic or like a skilled sky diver arms and legs spread out enjoying the ride.

Hi Brooklyn,

It sounds like you are suffering in many ways and I’m sorry for your pain. Therapy can go a long way to help you understand and heal from your past. Seek a therapist who is NON judgmental and experienced with formative issues, inner critical voice issues, self esteem issues, attachment style and inner child healing. This will help you achieve a much better understanding of the triggers that keep you stuck and in pain.  A good therapist can help you heal from your past, take personal responsibility for your future (you have the power!), and give you a pathway to greater self love. Inner child healing may sound woowoo, but it is very powerful. In essence, if you see yourself as you were as a child, knowing what you know now and all you experienced, what would you do differently for that child? Truly imagine that beautiful, innocent child and in your heart and mind give her the love, kindness and understanding you deserved from your parents. You can never be abandoned if you are always there for you with love & support. All parents are imperfect, some far more than others, but they came by their disfunction honestly as we all do. Don’t let their personal struggles and poor parenting keep you stuck. You cannot change the past, but you can dramatically change the now and by doing so, create a new future.  It is never too late.

Wishing you much self love and healing.