Dear Hannah:

Living away from home may be better for you. If your experience in Alaska was a good one, that is an indication that living away from home may be a good idea at this point, and so, you will not be interacting with your grandmother, for one.

Having a new job will allow you some financial independence, social interactions and will give you a routine, all beneficial, reads to me.

I think you need social support in your New Beginning, not wanting to use or abuse drugs and alcohol, meditating and so forth. Maybe an AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) can be such support for you, at least temporarily. Maybe there you can find other people who meditate. Maybe a meditation center exists in your area?

anita