I have never written in a forum before and Im not sure what it is that I think will help. I suffered a mental breakdown in 2014 and a big part of my recovery was reading the articles on this website and a course I did in redressing my past. So as I don’t have anyone I feel comfortable talking to right now I thought I would make my way back here. I do have a therapist so please no one worry. I feel so alone and isolated. I recently became mum to a beautiful baby boy who is my world, but I am having so many problems with my husband. I no longer know whether the problem is because of our relationship or because of me.   He blames me for everything. Every time I explain why I am unhappy etc he blames my mental instability, I have in the past suffered with depression and anxiety. Which I openly talk about much to my own detriment I think sometimes.  I had one of the many traumatic births and after a late night emergency C section and a sleepless night with a brand new baby and, coming down of the cocktail of painkillers I had been dosed with, my husband left for 12 hours to go back to work. I was unable to move being on various drips, catheter etc and had to look after my son alone. I live abroad from my home country and so no family were around. He is the boss so I still don’t really know why he left me, the following day he did the same.  The following week he was gone so much that my mother-in-law came to stay, bless her, we are not the best of friends but she did her very best to look after me.  And ever since this moment I feel like he has abandoned me. When I ask him why he doesn’t help me for example putting the baby to bed, he says I should ask. If I ask he says he has work emails to do.  I could go on for the next 1,000,000 words. I think I should stop. I wish I could just jump in the car and head to my family for the day, but home is a flight away.  I don’t want this relationship to end.  I am so afraid that its me that I am unstable. I know I’m anxious at the moment, but I eat, sleep, look after myself.  Talking to him is like conversing with a brick wall. He so cold and detached he takes zero responsibility. He simply tells me to calm down and that my mood swings are to blame.  He says he would attend counselling with me, but it would be for me to sort out.  Exercise is a really important part of me maintaining my mental health. I suggested that I could join a gym and maybe go sometimes. He’s hesitant and thinks the cost is too much. He is a high earner and the gym membership is about 2% of his monthly salary.  I have decided to stop pursuing it because he clearly doesn’t want me to go. He is a wizard in being able to say something but mean the exact opposite.  His family believe that I “sponge” off him as since the birth I am not working so I am also reluctant to push for it.  He’s turning me into a nervous wreck. I am so unhappy and I feel so confused.  My only salvation is my darling baby and an online degree I am studying for.  These two things keep me straight I suppose. I try and stay away from alcohol as in the past this has been my nemesis, I lost my dad when I was young and my previous marriage ended because I was raped. I have tried so hard to push through all these things and rebuild my life and I can just feel the ground crumbling beneath my feet.