Home→Forums→Tough Times→What have I done to myself and how to undo it?
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Anonymous.
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August 31, 2017 at 6:57 am #166362
AnonymousGuestDear Angela:
For the purpose of understanding your post, so that I may be of any help, I have three questions regarding the very beginning of your post:
You wrote: “If I wanted to travel, I made friends out of state and visited them on cheap airfare and stayed with them”- do you mean that you made friends for the purpose of staying in their homes for free while you visit their state/ travel?
You wrote: “If I couldn’t have the man of my dreams I found several men who each embodied one of my favorite characteristics of him”- did you tell each man that you are dating several men at the same time, and that each embodies one of your favorite characteristic?
You wrote: “If I hated my job I would let myself get fired and collect unemployment”- do you mean that you underperformed your job so to bring about being fired by the employer and collecting unemployment (which is possible if you are fired but not if you quit)?
anita
August 31, 2017 at 8:11 am #166370
AngelaParticipantThanks for replying Anita… The short answer is yes to those questions…
The friends I made just happened to be elsewhere… But yes visiting and staying free was an outlet to travel.
After being single for 7 years and trying to find meaningful relationships it became evident that most men in my demographic are only dating recreationally and not looking for anything serious. I’ve never really gotten far enough with any particular person to date exclusively.
And job wise, after working for years and recognizing there was little chance for advancement and hating my job over all the performance went downhill… Not deliberately so much but as a result of my depression and inability to see the point of making any effort…
Point being as much effort and good intentions I have had in the past the constant disappointment has lead me to this point.
August 31, 2017 at 8:56 am #166374AnonymousGuestDear Angela:
The key sentence in your share, for me, is this: “”I was tired and extremely frustrated with making demands and pushing and pulling for what I want, need, and deserve and being bitterly disappointed over and over.”
Your solution was to minimize making demands and pushing and pulling… minimize wanting and needing. Life was to be easier that way, “Freedom was the goal… being complacent… was a relief” – freedom from distress; satisfied with the bare minimum.
It partly worked for you, life got easier, less distressing, but it went too far and led to you being numb and you “have no motivation or real reason to do much of anything.”
You asked: “How do I want things again? How can I be hopeful when I have never gotten what I wanted regardless of my efforts?”
My answer: taking the middle road. You have gone from one extreme, wanting too much, asking and “BEGGING” you wrote, in capital letters, to wanting too little and being numb, very unmotivated. Avoid both extremes, the All or Nothing approach. Make a small goal for yourself and pursue just the one. Be it a job or a relationship or maybe take a small step in each. Take it slow but deliberate.
anita
August 31, 2017 at 11:50 am #166414AngelaParticipantThank you Anita. Great advice. Yes that is my personality in a nutshell. One extreme to the next. It’s very hard for me to establish a middle ground about things. Thank you for the non judgemental advice.
September 1, 2017 at 11:51 am #166556AnonymousGuestYou are welcome, Angela. Practice the middle ground and it will become your habit, with time and ongoing practice.
anita
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